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milanessa
11-08-2011, 01:50 PM
If he's hinting at venues, how much of a surprise party is this? :lol:

I'm with the "the host pays for a party" crowd. Do what you can afford and feel comfortable spending.

marbri
11-08-2011, 02:46 PM
I guess I'm an old fuddy duddy on this. Are these people your guests or are you asking them to co-host the party?

If the latter, you need to be really, really clear. "A group is getting together to honor Joe's 40th. The event is at place X. Cost is Y per person. Please RSVP to me no later than date."

A normal invitation would read "Please join us at X to honor Joe's 40th" and the person receiving such an invitation would expect to be a guest, not a co-host.

:respec:

Exactly. Make it crystal clear what the deal is and what is expected.

Btw..my two cents on the kid thing. No kids mean no kids. If I'm invited and I am told not to bring the children I'm expecting a different type of gathering, a more adult evening. I'm going to be disappointed to show up and see four children sitting there because it changes the type of party I planned on going to. Any reason they can't also find a babysitter?

nubka
11-08-2011, 03:31 PM
I know around here and Chicago there are bars that on off nights will put out food if they have a cash bar. For my 50th we had my party on a Sunday afternoon and they put out pasta, salad and pizza. Everyone bought their own drinks.
Don't get pressured into something you can't afford. Sure it would be nice to get his wish, but save the money for something else.

I totally agree with this! :respec:

Vagabond
11-08-2011, 03:31 PM
I do believe that the only socially acceptable way to get the guests to contribute to the cost of the food is to make it a potluck at someone's home or somewhere like a picnic area. Otherwise, as the hosts, you are expected to pay for the event.

danceronice
11-08-2011, 03:45 PM
I guess I'm an old fuddy duddy on this. Are these people your guests or are you asking them to co-host the party?

If the latter, you need to be really, really clear. "A group is getting together to honor Joe's 40th. The event is at place X. Cost is Y per person. Please RSVP to me no later than date."

A normal invitation would read "Please join us at X to honor Joe's 40th" and the person receiving such an invitation would expect to be a guest, not a co-host.

Agreed. And seriously, talk to the restaurant. You don't have to get only the most expensive things and an open bar and blow $2k on a birthday part.

genevieve
11-08-2011, 03:49 PM
Btw..my two cents on the kid thing. No kids mean no kids. If I'm invited and I am told not to bring the children I'm expecting a different type of gathering, a more adult evening. I'm going to be disappointed to show up and see four children sitting there because it changes the type of party I planned on going to.
I agree with this

backspin
11-08-2011, 04:03 PM
Others have had really great advice for you. My only thought was--people tend to either love sushi or hate it. What are the odds 35 people are all going to love it? A different venue or party at home where you have a sushi platter plus some other food to choose from might be nice for those who inevitably will be in the "hate it" camp.

Jojo
11-08-2011, 04:18 PM
I totally agree with the kids thing. When I had my party, it was an adults only thing. My son spent the evening with two friends and a babysitter, with pizza and the like. They played X-Box and had a grand old time. Much better than sitting around in a restaurant, having to behave himself.

No kids will allow you, the host, the birthday boy and the parents of the kids to enjoy themselves much more, and relax.

luna_skater
11-08-2011, 04:54 PM
As an adult, never in a million years would I expect that the host would be paying for my meal if I was invited to a birthday *supper* at a restaurant--where you are ordering for yourself off a menu. If I was invited to a party at a venue that was not someone's house, I would simply expect to be paying for my own food and drinks, and would be pleasantly surprised if that was not the case. When I was a kid, it was usually the expectation that the host parents would foot the bill.

That said--if I showed up at a party and food/appetizers were simply being served TO me throughout the evening, or were available on some kind of side table, I would probably assume that's on the host, and would be pretty peeved if I was hit with a bill on my way out.

Loosely related example: a few years ago, an acquaintance of mine was having her birthday at a sushi restaurant, where you learned how to make your own sushi. The invitation was up front about the fact it cost $50/person. If we were very close friends, I would have sucked up the cost, but since we barely knew each other at the time, I didn't feel bad about declining since I couldn't afford it. However, for a close, dear friend, I'd show up regardless of the cost, or any possibly ambiguous wording on the invitation.

taf2002
11-08-2011, 04:56 PM
I agree with the no kids thing. I said no kids at my wedding & 3 people brought their kids anyway. My reception had small kids running thru the place & making noise. Besides, the people who did get a babysitter were not pleased.

I was raised that you don't ask a guest to pay for anything. But you could provide something like beer &/or wine, & then if people want something else they could go to the bar on their own. Or you could have it in a hall or at someone' home a lot cheaper than a restaurant.

skatemommy
11-08-2011, 05:02 PM
I'd check with the restarant as well. With a large group you may not be able to get individual checks. Count me in with the sushi platter, buffet at a home with box wine and case beer. Nitendo den for the kids. Spend the $ on a vaca!

julieann
11-08-2011, 05:34 PM
I guess I'm an old fuddy duddy on this. Are these people your guests or are you asking them to co-host the party?

If the latter, you need to be really, really clear. "A group is getting together to honor Joe's 40th. The event is at place X. Cost is Y per person. Please RSVP to me no later than date."

A normal invitation would read "Please join us at X to honor Joe's 40th" and the person receiving such an invitation would expect to be a guest, not a co-host.


:respec:

Exactly. Make it crystal clear what the deal is and what is expected.

Btw..my two cents on the kid thing. No kids mean no kids. If I'm invited and I am told not to bring the children I'm expecting a different type of gathering, a more adult evening. I'm going to be disappointed to show up and see four children sitting there because it changes the type of party I planned on going to. Any reason they can't also find a babysitter?

ITA!

Garden Kitty
11-08-2011, 05:49 PM
I'd have no problem if friends wanted to get together to celebrate dinner and in that situation, I'd expect everyone to pay. But if I initiate an invitation as a host, I'd expect to pay. However, I strongly believe you shouldn't spend more than you can easily afford on this type of party.

If you want a big group, then have a party at someone's house with catered food that you can afford. Or invite a smaller group to a dinner party.

Cupid
11-08-2011, 07:16 PM
Are we sure all these guests even like sushi? I can see people trying it and not liking it and wasting it. A sushi or Japanese restaurant would probably be the most expensive type of restaurant to hold a party. Maybe try another venue, and just immediate or close friends to the restaurant.-

BittyBug
11-08-2011, 07:43 PM
Sushi is meant to be eaten fresh and as soon as possible after being prepared, and unless this restaurant has an army of chefs, it is going to be very difficult for them to churn out the volume needed for 35 people all at the same time. More likely they will be preparing items in advance and having them sit. In other words, a party for 35+ people would not only be expensive (and I think you need to plan for at least $50 per person, before tax and tip), but it's likely to not be as good it otherwise could be.

What about having the party with your 35 friends at a different, more reasonably-priced location, and then having a separate celebration for just the two of you (or perhaps another couple or two) at the sushi place?