PDA

View Full Version : Parenting Question re: Dating



Pages : 1 [2] 3 4 5

IceAlisa
10-02-2011, 03:18 AM
They had 3 "death sentence" house rules that would result in indefinite grounding and loss of access to the cars - 1) not being where you said you were going, 2) being in a dangerous situation (drugs/alcohol/pressure to do something really stupid) and not calling for a ride home, and 3) being a passenger in a car driven by someone who had been drinking or using drugs.

These sound great to me. I should write them down! :)

Wyliefan
10-02-2011, 03:18 AM
Statistically speaking, kids his age now are not likely to marry until they are nearly 30, if at all. I told him that if he waited that long, I would assume he had no sex drive.

Never make assumptions. I'm 36, I've never been sexually active, and in my case, no, that assumption is NOT true. :lol:

Prancer
10-02-2011, 03:26 AM
Never make assumptions. I'm 36, I've never been sexually active, and in my case, no, that assumption is NOT true. :lol:

If I couldn't assume, I wouldn't be able to go to sleep at night; among other things, I assume I will wake up. In my own bed. In my house. Etc., etc. The idea that you should never assume is kinda :confused: to me.

But anyway, you have religious beliefs that preclude premarital sex. He does not.

So I think my assumption is pretty safe.

Wyliefan
10-02-2011, 03:37 AM
It's a generalization, I'll grant you. I was just pointing out that not being sexually active, for whatever reason, doesn't automatically equal no sex drive.

barbk
10-02-2011, 03:55 AM
You might take a look as see if your health department participates in the CDC's Youth Risk Behavior Survey. If so, it is both helpful for parents to read and as a focal point for discussion with your teen. Here's the 2009 version for our county:
http://www.bouldercounty.org/find/library/help/yrbs2009bocohs.pdf

Sexual activity data begins on page 31. Percentage of students (who engaged in sex) who used condoms the last time they engaged in sex actually declines from the high of 71% in 9th grade to 58% in 11th grade.

The binge drinking numbers on page 20 might also be interesting. In our county, 46.3% of the 12th grade girls in the (large, statistically quite valid) sample said that they had engaged in binge drinking (5 or more drinks in a short period) within the past 30 days. 63.5% of female 12th graders currently drink. (And in both cases, the percentages are higher for females than for males.)

I was always amazed at the number of parents who could look at data on a huge percentage of kids having engaged in binge drinking or having sex, and then insist that it was only other people's children.

Angelskates
10-02-2011, 05:14 AM
Stuff like why oral sex is a bad idea

:confused: I get all the other stuff, but can elaborate on this? Why is oral sex a bad idea?

IceAlisa
10-02-2011, 05:23 AM
:confused: I get all the other stuff, but can elaborate on this? Why is oral sex a bad idea?

I am guessing but I think that a lot of kids seem to not consider oral sex actual sex. In fact, it seems some kids think that only vaginal intercourse is sex.

The point is, STIs can be transmitted by oral sex. That's the part that seems to get past a lot of kids.

Angelskates
10-02-2011, 05:27 AM
I am guessing but I think that a lot of kids seem to not consider oral sex actual sex. In fact, it seems some kids think that only vaginal intercourse is sex.

The point is, STIs can be transmitted by oral sex. That's the part that seems to get past a lot of kids.

I get all that, but the next thing mentioned in the list is that sex without a condom is a bad idea (which can be true). Why teach that oral sex is a bad idea rather than, if you want to have oral sex, be safe, just as you should be with vaginal intercourse?

Anita18
10-02-2011, 06:01 AM
I am guessing but I think that a lot of kids seem to not consider oral sex actual sex. In fact, it seems some kids think that only vaginal intercourse is sex.

The point is, STIs can be transmitted by oral sex. That's the part that seems to get past a lot of kids.
And that kids sometimes do anal sex first BEFORE vaginal sex because anal sex isn't "real sex" and I'm like, "Dear God WHYYYYY???" :scream:

MacMadame
10-02-2011, 06:03 AM
It's a generalization, I'll grant you. I was just pointing out that not being sexually active, for whatever reason, doesn't automatically equal no sex drive.

Except Prancer was talking about her son, who she knows better then you do. I don't think she should be giving him advice based on the entire continuum of possible human behavior. In fact, that would be kind of dumb.

Secondly, saying you are a virgin at 30 proves absolutely nothing one way or another about your sex drive.

Aceon6
10-02-2011, 04:49 PM
I get all that, but the next thing mentioned in the list is that sex without a condom is a bad idea (which can be true). Why teach that oral sex is a bad idea rather than, if you want to have oral sex, be safe, just as you should be with vaginal intercourse?

In our area, there's pressure on girls as young as 6th grade to "offer" oral sex to get the attention of a boy they like. My brother warned both kids that this isn't the way to get a boy/girl friend and that casual sex could be both physically and emotionally dangerous. My brother stressed saving any sex for a committed, mutually monogamous relationship.

agalisgv
10-02-2011, 05:07 PM
Thanks for the responses everyone.

I'm probably a bit more conservative in this department than most here. I try to be realistic, but I also want to convey the importance of waiting. We do talk about the subject, but it seems like other kids are just progressing very rapidly in this department, so we're kinda swimming against the tide. Or at least that's how it feels.

Tangent, but since it was brought up--if kids are binge drinking and/or sexually active, does that necessarily mean a certain level of tacit approval from parents? How would kids have the opportunity to do such things unless parents chose not to carefully supervise?

PrincessLeppard
10-02-2011, 05:09 PM
The way I see it work where I teach is that there are usually a couple kids who have either very lax or absent parents and the parties are at those houses. I guess the best thing to do would be to insist on talking to the parent/guardian at the house in which the party is taking place before letting the kid go.

PDilemma
10-02-2011, 05:15 PM
At the last school I taught at, it was almost the same thing PL says...a few parents who were very lax or absent. There were also usually a few parents around who weren't lax or absent, rather they were throwing the parties themselves and providing the alcohol. They considered it a rite of passage. Many of them were under the impression that serving alcohol to minors in their house is not illegal, that it would only be illegal if they did it in a business or charged the kids to come. To make it all even better, one parent was a police officer who saw to it that no student from his kids' school would ever get an MIP.

I agree with PL, know where your kids are going and what those parents' views are.

purple skates
10-02-2011, 05:59 PM
Tangent, but since it was brought up--if kids are binge drinking and/or sexually active, does that necessarily mean a certain level of tacit approval from parents? How would kids have the opportunity to do such things unless parents chose not to carefully supervise?

My son and his gf (of a year) are both 16. They both have cars. Both my husband and I work 40 hours during the week, so do her parents. They have zero supervision all summer, and every day after school until parents get home.

At this point, all we can do is hope that they are smart about things. Both sets of parents have given the information and guidance I hope they will follow, but there is no guarantee.