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AYS
07-02-2011, 03:11 AM
I've been trying to avoid commenting on this ridiculous bunch of people and this story, but, I lost the battle :shuffle:

...


And the MIL would have been better off saying all this in person. Which in retrospect she probably wishes she had. It was very tacky of the DIL to give this to someone who posted it on the web. Kind of gives the center of attention accusation validity.
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I can't even begin to imagine being such a confrontational person that I would want to say this kind of thing face-to-face to anyone, and as the DIL, would not take any more kindly to it being said in person vs. an email. Maybe, maybe, you say something personally to your stepson about your feelings about it (though I wouldn't do that either, would just shrug and say she annoys me, but I'm not the one marrying her) but never to the girl.


I don't really think so. If I received an e-mail like this, I would probably be shocked and crying my eyes out over the harshness of it, and I don't think it would be out of the realm of possibility for me, in my insecurity, to forward it to a couple close friends and say, "Am I wrong about thinking this is extreme or did I really deserve this??"

Or something like that.
Totally agree, this could easily have happened. The friend is perhaps blameable for the "viral" thing, but unless the girl sent it to her friend saying "go post this publicly", which doesn't seem to have happened, it seems 100% understandable to me that she'd be freaked out by this incredibly rude email and want to get her friend's opinion.

Also, given the rudeness of that email, I don't believe the MIL's interpretation of anything that occurred anyway.

JJH
07-02-2011, 03:19 AM
Since the stepmother did not marry Freddie's father until Freddie was 21, I wonder if this is actually a strategy by the stepmother to distance an inconvenient stepson.

Prancer
07-02-2011, 03:28 AM
Since the stepmother did not marry Freddie's father until Freddie was 21, I wonder if this is actually a strategy by the stepmother to distance an inconvenient stepson.

I think her opinion of Freddie (and the depth of their relationship) is pretty clear in this:

Unfortunately for Freddie, he has fallen in love with you and Freddie being Freddie, I gather it is not easy to reason with him or yet encourage him to consider how he might be able to help you.

JJH
07-02-2011, 03:59 AM
Hmmm. I interpret the stepmother's convoluted statement to indicate that the stepmother has not successfully manipulated Freddie in the past. Go Freddie!

Wyliefan
07-02-2011, 05:10 AM
Good Lord, the stuff in that article. She even said that Heidi's behavior upset the dog. :rofl: Is that like frightening the horses?

Gazpacho
07-02-2011, 05:36 AM
Hmmm. I interpret the stepmother's convoluted statement to indicate that the stepmother has not successfully manipulated Freddie in the past. Go Freddie!Yay, go Freddie!

I wonder what Freddie's true feelings about his stepmother are. He's not going to share them with the public, but I wonder. I bet he thinks she's a meddling bitch. Forget whether the stepmother has a point. The fact is that she didn't raise Freddie and married into the family when he was already 21, and she acts as if she's the gatekeeper for his whole side of the family.

Her statements about Freddie were very insulting too.

I'm even starting to wonder if Heidi forwarded the email with Freddie's permission. If my stepmother did that, I'd be sorely tempted to expose her as a bitch to the rest of the world.

Civic
07-02-2011, 06:23 AM
Some of MIL's comments I could see justifying (provided she wasn't delusional of course) until I read the one about how the DIL's parents should have saved for the wedding. That was beyond the pale, especially since they both lost their jobs in January.

Time to elope.

:scream:Elope hell! If I were the future DIL, I would call off the wedding and run for my life. Her future MIL is a toxic b*tch who will make her life miserable.

Gazpacho
07-02-2011, 06:37 AM
Good Lord, the stuff in that article. She even said that Heidi's behavior upset the dog. :rofl: Is that like frightening the horses?Dogs are perfect for the stepmother in law. They eat what you put in front of them and treat you like God.

MacMadame
07-02-2011, 07:30 AM
I've known people who have used their medical conditions to be the center of attention too. Especialy if it's something completely avoidable.
I have too but most people aren't like that. Why assume this woman is like that especially given all the other nonsense in the email. Which I is why I agree with AYS:



Also, given the rudeness of that email, I don't believe the MIL's interpretation of anything that occurred anyway.

Exactly!


Her future MIL is a toxic b*tch who will make her life miserable.
Until the FIL divorces her and she moves on to husband #4.

kwanfan1818
07-02-2011, 09:11 AM
If I were the FIL I would not take the stepmom to the wedding.
I think the FIL should get his balls back and take them to the wedding.

Gazpacho
07-02-2011, 11:56 AM
i think it is all about persective- one sees it one way and not the same as the other sees it-
my MIL finds fault in everything i do and say- if i send a thank you note to someone in her family for a gift or such she will complain about the fact it arrived before hers did ( keeping in mind they live in two different countries!!!!- how am I supposed to control the mail????)

i have given up - i do what i want to do and leave her to her own devices.... waht else can one do ? ( i was hoping as we have been married 14 years and together 17 that she might have actually given in to the fact i am not going anywhere but alas.....):( :( *hugs*


Well, clearly this is a class issue, and I think the Daily Mail was trying to make the point that the bride isn't some lower-class chav, but has a solid claim to the British middle class, while the StepMIL clearly has some issues of her own.That's another British thing that confuses me. Why does it matter that the bride "isn't some lower class chav but has a solid claim to the British middle class"? Middle class defined by a coat of arms, that is. So what if the bride does come from the lower class--does that make the stepmother in law's behavior more acceptable?


I would never start to eat before everyone was at the table. That wasn't done in my family. Nor would I take a 2nd helping at someone else's house. It's just not polite. But in some cultures and/or families, it is just polite. Or at least not impolite. Regardless of culture, rigidity is usually relaxed for family members, unless you're royalty.


But obviously that sentiment is not shared by everyone, even within this thread. When in Rome and all that, but some things are trickier than others.Exactly. That's what bugs me about the complicated etiquette rules that exist in every culture. It too often labels behaviors as rude or improper without considering the person's intentions. Did the person intend to offend or upset you or otherwise make you feel bad (or not care if they did); or were their behaviors acceptable or even polite in their eyes? When attending a ceremony of another culture, I always try to learn the basics in advance, but it's easy to find guides on Indian wedding guest etiquette--which inevitably don't apply 100% to any individual wedding. It's much harder to find guides on household traditions that differ from family to family.

cruisin
07-02-2011, 01:53 PM
I would never start to eat before everyone was at the table.

I think that most people would probably wait as well, unless the food was presented banquet style. However, this young woman is diabetic. She has to eat at certain times, and if she is insulin dependent, that is even more critical. My father was diabetic, if he did not eat when he needed to he ran the risk of his sugar plummeting. If she is controlling her her diabetes with diet, she may have a very good reason for asking for specific foods. Now, possibly, she could have avoided some issues by going out and getting food she could eat on her own. but this bitch of an MIL probably would have been offended by that as well. I do not eat red meat, it has been a problem when I have gone to someone's home or stayed at someone's home. So, if I know they are serving red meat, I bring some fish or chicken with me now. I tell the person ahead of time and explain it is not about them, but I am on a very low cholesterol diet. I do not like to be the center of attention, but I am not going to eat something that I feel is unhealthy for me.



:( :( *hugs*

That's another British thing that confuses me. Why does it matter that the bride "isn't some lower class chav but has a solid claim to the British middle class"? Middle class defined by a coat of arms, that is. So what if the bride does come from the lower class--does that make the stepmother in law's behavior more acceptable?

No, it doesn't. I think that is why this was published. It was showing the ridiculousness of the whole class system.

Allen
07-02-2011, 02:05 PM
I would never start to eat before everyone was at the table. That wasn't done in my family. Nor would I take a 2nd helping at someone else's house. It's just not polite. :drama:

The way it worked for me growing up was someone asked the blessing, and not necessarily at the table, and then it was all fair game. So, some would jump up and grab food and others when come on whenever they felt like it.

To me, you want people to have as much food as they want, so the second helping thing isn't an issue. In fact, if people don't take a second helping, it makes me wonder if what I cooked didn't taste good. I honestly think it comes down to how you ate growing up and how formal or informal table procedures were.

I'm at my parents house right now. I woke up about 8:30 and they at 6. It made me think about the comment about early risers. The thing about that is, what are you supposed to do, ask what time the people get up and set an alarm for that time? If I didn't do that, there would be no telling when I would wake up.

cruisin
07-02-2011, 02:19 PM
To me, you want people to have as much food as they want, so the second helping thing isn't an issue. In fact, if people don't take a second helping, it makes me wonder if what I cooked didn't taste good.

That made me chuckle. The other night, my son and I went out to dinner. I had a salad and ordered fish, but asked them to put the sauce on the side, which they did. However, I forgot to ask them not to put butter on my vegetables (I don't eat butter), my fault, So, my entre comes, with potato croquettes and a buttered vegetable, I ate the salmon, but did not eat the potatoes or vegetables. The waiter came over at least 3 times to ask if I didn't like the food. It was my own fault that I forgot to ask for no butter, so I didn't want to complain. I ate a big salad and all of the fish, so I just said I don't eat a lot. After the 3rd time the waiter asked, my son looked at him and said - really, she doesn't eat a lot, the food is fine. That "attention" made me very uncomfortable.

overedge
07-02-2011, 02:24 PM
No, it doesn't. I think that is why this was published. It was showing the ridiculousness of the whole class system.

Most of the stories about this that I saw didn't say anything at all about the class system. I think it was more about showing the ridiculousness of the MIL.