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View Full Version : You Lack Manners: A mother-in-law's rant



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Gazpacho
07-01-2011, 08:12 PM
This (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2010314/Carolyn-Bourne-email-Freddies-natural-mother-Penelope-Godfrey-calls-Heidi-Withers-charming.html) article says that the stepmother in law has been married three times. Apparently the daughter in law's parents met the stepmother in law last year, and it didn't go well. So the feud goes beyond the daughter in law.

It also says the stepmother in law sent the email three times! Maybe it was an email server mistake, but it certainly makes Heidi's forwarding of the email more understandable.

Prior to this article, I wasn't sure if the stepmother essentially raised Freddie and was his "real" mother. This article suggests that Freddie's mother is still in the picture, and the stepmother has only been married to Freddie's father since 2003, when Freddie was 21.

In light of that, I say to the stepmother: If you have a problem with Heidi's manners, bring it up with your husband (Freddie's father). If he doesn't have a problem with it, then there's no problem. You don't have any claim to the final word on Heidi's "future involvement with the Bourne family". You've only been a member for 8 years, and given your past marriage record, you may not be a member much longer.

Prancer
07-01-2011, 08:20 PM
This (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2010314/Carolyn-Bourne-email-Freddies-natural-mother-Penelope-Godfrey-calls-Heidi-Withers-charming.html) article says that the mother in law has been married three times. Apparently the daughter in law's parents met the mother in law last year, and it didn't go well. So the feud goes beyond the daughter in law.

Yes, but the DIL's family is descended from landed gentry! They have a coat of arms and everything!

:lol::lol::lol:

cruisin
07-01-2011, 08:28 PM
But was it a dinner party or a family dinner? I agree about waiting to be offered in the context of a dinner party, but not for family dinners! Same thing goes for waiting for everyone to be served before starting.


I think it depends. If the food is served in the kitchen and brought into the dining room, a guest should probably ask before going back to the kitchen for more. But at a lot of family dinners I've been to, all of the food is put on the center of the table. If it's already on the table, I'd assume that's the host's way of making it available to anyone who wants a second helping.

I agree with both above posts. If it is a formal dinner party, and the hostess is plating the food in the kitchen and bringing individual plates to the guests, it would be appropriate to ask for a second (+) helping of the delicious dinner. However, if it is a dinner, typical of most I've ever been to. Where the platters and bowls are put on the table and everyone helps themself, it is assumed that you take as much as you wish. Without, of course, being gluttonous. I grew up in an Italian family, all the food on the table and a grandmother who would cry if you didn't eat enough.:lol:

The MIL is a bitch!

rfisher
07-01-2011, 08:28 PM
Maybe they all deserve each other. Or alternatively, the gene pool would get a big favor if none of them breed.

Gazpacho
07-01-2011, 08:31 PM
Yes, but the DIL's family is descended from landed gentry! They have a coat of arms and everything!That must be a British vs. American thing. In the US, you'd never see an article detailing someone's ancestry unless they're from a highly influential family (e.g., Rockefeller, Kennedy).

numbers123
07-01-2011, 08:32 PM
As others have said - helping yourself to seconds doesn't seem too out of ordinary in my experiences. Unless like my brother sometimes is not aware of the amount of mashed potatoes at a Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner with 28 people in the house.

And if we waited for everyone to be served or seated at the table, none of us would eat because my mom only sits down to eat after she makes sure that everyone else has eaten. Despite all of us telling her to sit down and eat.

sleeping patterns are a matter of what you are accustom to. My son works nights. On his days (nights) off he tries to accommodate a normal world, but it is not easy. My husband works late into the night - by choice but still sleeps in a bit. We do not know by whose standards late is. We do not know if the first servings were appropriate for the amount of insulin she had received. Short acting insulin - the person is to be eating the meal within 15-20 minutes.

sharing of emails happens. Email is not private. We do not know what the mil experienced in terms of private conversations with the dil. so we getting a partial story.

Prancer
07-01-2011, 08:44 PM
That must be a British vs. American thing. In the US, you'd never see an article detailing someone's ancestry unless they're from a highly influential family (e.g., Rockefeller, Kennedy).

Well, clearly this is a class issue, and I think the Daily Mail was trying to make the point that the bride isn't some lower-class chav, but has a solid claim to the British middle class, while the StepMIL clearly has some issues of her own.

:lol::lol::lol:

I thought the email was kind of funny because it sounded almost EXACTLY like what my German aunt says about her former DIL, who was an Irish beauty queen and something of a jet setter hanger-on (no surprise that that marriage didn't last long, since my cousin is an Army helicopter pilot; I don't know how the relationship ever happened to begin with).

Harumph! German aunt would say, complaining about the DIL sleeping until noon, picking at her food (she was always on a diet), leaving her clothes scattered about the house, not making her bed, complaining about how bored she was, not helping with anything and just lounging about when there was cleaning to be done, etc., etc.

Basically, German aunt didn't like her DIL one tiny bit and thus vented this in the form of complaining about DIL's terrible manners. Had she liked the DIL, she would have accepted or excused her. That's how it goes.

rfisher
07-01-2011, 09:08 PM
My mother had a very similar opinion about my youngest brother's wife. Pretty much detested her and and everything about her. (and my SIL and I agreed...we don't think much of her either.) She was lazy (true), never helped with the dishes when she came to visit, would let her kids run wild, would trash my brother to my parents (it didn't matter if what she said was true or not, you just don't do that) and worst of all, had the temerity to call my mother Mama. You could hear her teeth gritting across the room.

I would never start to eat before everyone was at the table. That wasn't done in my family. Nor would I take a 2nd helping at someone else's house. It's just not polite. :drama: And, it's extremely rude to complain about the food. I wouldn't do that at my relatives house. I might complain to another relative later, but never at the table.

skatingfan5
07-01-2011, 09:16 PM
Oh my goodness gracious! I just read one of the linked articles, and the step mil to be sounds like a royal pain. :drama:
It is high time someone explained to you about good manners. Yours are obvious by their absence and I feel sorry for you.

Unfortunately for Freddie, he has fallen in love with you and Freddie being Freddie, I gather it is not easy to reason with him or yet encourage him to consider how he might be able to help you. It may just be possible to get through to you though. I do hope so.

If you want to be accepted by the wider Bourne family I suggest you take some guidance from experts with utmost haste. There are plenty of finishing schools around. Please, for your own good, for Freddie’s sake and for your future involvement with the Bourne family, do something as soon as possible.Get thee to a finishing school! :drama:

If I were Heidi Withers, I would just send Mrs. Bourne the Withers family motto from their coat of arms: "Nec Habeo, nec Careo, nec Curo" (I have not, I lack not, I care not) :P BTW, I love that the family coat of arms features a blue rabbit eating corn atop a white shield. :D

CynicElle
07-01-2011, 09:19 PM
PML! Now the groom's mother is weighing in: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2010314/Carolyn-Bourne-email-Freddies-natural-mother-Penelope-Godfrey-calls-Heidi-Withers-charming.html



I loved this from the groom's mother:


But when she was asked her thoughts on Carolyn Bourne she only offered a terse 'absolutely no comment'.


If this wedding happens, it's going to be tons of fun! :watch:

my little pony
07-01-2011, 09:35 PM
the stepmother married the grooms father in 03 and he has a mother who likes the bride. does the step mother's opinion even count? maybe that is part of what upsets her, no one really cares what she thinks about the nuptials etc.

Cheylana
07-01-2011, 11:28 PM
I suppose this sorry bunch will get its own reality show within 6 months :rolleyes:

StonewshMullet
07-01-2011, 11:41 PM
the stepmother married the grooms father in 03 and he has a mother who likes the bride. does the step mother's opinion even count? maybe that is part of what upsets her, no one really cares what she thinks about the nuptials etc.

I think you just hit the nail on the head. That woman obviously prefers to be the center of attention and she is probably secretly thrilled with all this. If I were the FIL I would not take the stepmom to the wedding. She obviously does not belong.

BTW, my little pony I have a gift for you...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FIY41LrvMFQ&feature=feedlik

hirshey girl
07-02-2011, 02:53 AM
If this wedding happens, it's going to be tons of fun! :watch:

I can imagine that everyone who receives invites to this wedding will say yes. :rofl: Who wouldn't want to be there? Especially if they have an open bar. :lol:

Prancer
07-02-2011, 02:57 AM
I would never start to eat before everyone was at the table. That wasn't done in my family. Nor would I take a 2nd helping at someone else's house. It's just not polite. :drama:

But obviously that sentiment is not shared by everyone, even within this thread. When in Rome and all that, but some things are trickier than others.