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allezfred
07-01-2011, 02:48 PM
That bit actually made me more sympathetic to the MIL... I have acquaintances with medical conditions who will go on, and on, and on about it all day, using it as justification for self-centered behaviour, attention seeking and poor manners.
Pretty much everyone has a health condition of some description, including myself, and one does need to vent... but I do find it extremely irritating when people feed off their illnesses to get special treatment. It's even worse when group plans are made, and people with the said conditions bring everything to a halt and draw the attention back to themselves and their problems, due to refusing to plan in advance for highly predictable problems.

The description made by the MIL had a feel of déjà vu for me...

So you tell the people in your life who have health conditions when they talk about them to buck up and quit complaining?

Gazpacho
07-01-2011, 02:52 PM
Thanks Prancer, for posting the link to the full message. The whole tone is that the daughter in law should be sooooo grateful that a higher class family would give her the time of day, let alone host her at their home.


That bit actually made me more sympathetic to the MIL... I have acquaintances with medical conditions who will go on, and on, and on about it all day, using it as justification for self-centered behaviour, attention seeking and poor manners.
When it's your daughter in law, the proper response, if you can't force yourself to be sympathetic (it's hard to make yourself feel something you don't), would be to roll your eyes, maybe make a sarcastic comment. It doesn't come close to justifying the vitriol and for harping on her for "declaring what [she] will and will not eat".

And the comment about her parents' not having saved enough for the wedding is low, just low. God forbid they may have (gasp!) needed that money for something else!

shan
07-01-2011, 02:58 PM
This rant reminds of the Thanksgiving Letter on Awkward Family Photos. It makes me :lol: to read it.

http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/2009/11/26/awkward-family-story-the-thanksgiving-letter/

Badams
07-01-2011, 02:59 PM
This woman is completely disgusting. Nothing like using a persons disease as a justification for why you dislike them, when the real issue is that she simply isn't rich enough. Either way, the woman is a giant dick stain.

Gazpacho
07-01-2011, 03:16 PM
This rant reminds of the Thanksgiving Letter on Awkward Family Photos. It makes me :lol: to read it.

http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/2009/11/26/awkward-family-story-the-thanksgiving-letter/Totally different. The Thanksgiving letter is clearly written by someone who has a major need for control over her kitchen and is panicking over relinquishing that control for the sake of family tradition. She may have obsessive compulsive personality disorder.

The mother in law's letter, on the other hand, is self-righteous, contemptuous, and hostile.

DarrellH
07-01-2011, 03:25 PM
I wonder if the fiancee/step son is being put in a "you must choose one of us" situation, by the mother-in-law to be?

BigB08822
07-01-2011, 03:27 PM
I think both made some mistakes but the MIL comes across as the biggest bitch. We have no way of knowing but it sounds like the DIL is still fairly new to the family dynamic. It would probably have been much easier to make little comments here and there when she did something you didn't like and hopefully she would catch on. In my family if you don't go back for seconds then you probably offended the cook so I can't believe you aren't allowed to eat more. I do agree it is rude to begin eating before everyone is ready but we don't know the details and her diabetes certainly might have come into play. Or, perhaps there were 20 people at this family gathering? I know when we have a huge Thanksgiving get together we all just eat when we sit down, if you waited for 20 people to make a plate then yours might be cold! I wouldn't sleep in too late but without knowing the facts I can't blame either one of them. Maybe the girl slept until 1 pm which is rude or maybe she only slept until 9 and the MIL, who might get up at 5am, is over reacting? I think the MIL is probably just impossible to deal with, thank God I didn't have to grow up with her as my mother, she probably made her children eat peas with their pizza! :eek:

millyskate
07-01-2011, 03:35 PM
So you tell the people in your life who have health conditions when they talk about them to buck up and quit complaining?

Not in general. But there's talking, and then there's talking. I have spoken to a friend, trying to explain that she was coming accross in the wrong way after several years of a rather extreme version of this problem.
There's a bit difference between needing to talk about your problems and asking for support, and using them to ensure no plans can be made without you being at the center of them.

rfisher
07-01-2011, 03:36 PM
I suspect this is a case of six of one and half a dozen of the other. The future DIL was not a good house guest. I can't imagine that she thought it appropriate to make a scene in a pub (and the MIL wouldn't have to elaborate on a what she thought private email--both parties knew what she was referring to). And, I too know people who use a medical condition as an excuse to be the center of attention.

And the MIL would have been better off saying all this in person. Which in retrospect she probably wishes she had. It was very tacky of the DIL to give this to someone who posted it on the web. Kind of gives the center of attention accusation validity.

Neither of them will ever, ever get along and the poor BF is going to be toast.

Flatfoote
07-01-2011, 03:55 PM
I third that!

I fourth that! Sooooo not a morning person!



I'm not diabetic but I have had times when my blood sugar has bottomed out and I honestly can't think or form proper sentences until I've eaten. If I was experiencing that and there was food in front of me? hell yes I would be shoving it down my gullet.

I'm the same way. There are times I get light-headed and shaky and know I need to get some food in me right away or I'm gonna really get dizzy. One time I was in a grocery store when it hit me. I was fortunate enough that the store was littered with food sampling stations on that day. So I went around to the stations and gobbled up several samples and held it off. Problem was, I am also obese, and was very aware of the image of a fat person scurrying around all the food stations snatching up samples as quick as she could.




That bit actually made me more sympathetic to the MIL... I have acquaintances with medical conditions who will go on, and on, and on about it all day, using it as justification for self-centered behaviour, attention seeking and poor manners.
Pretty much everyone has a health condition of some description, including myself, and one does need to vent... but I do find it extremely irritating when people feed off their illnesses to get special treatment. It's even worse when group plans are made, and people with the said conditions bring everything to a halt and draw the attention back to themselves and their problems, due to refusing to plan in advance for highly predictable problems.

The description made by the MIL had a feel of déjà vu for me...

That's my sister in a nutshell. She literally embraces the drama of her sickness of the day/week/month. Only she doesn't bring group plans to a halt due to her lack of planning. If anything, she plans ahead to make sure she brings things to a grinding halt to bring attention back to herself.

She self diagnoses all the time. As soon as someone she knows has a disease, she has it too. You learn early on never to open a conversation with her with, "how are you?"

gkelly
07-01-2011, 04:03 PM
This honestly made news?

What is the world coming to...

I think the "news" aspect is not so much someone was rude to a family member :drama:

but rather the fact that in today's world, private business can very quickly become very public

floskate
07-01-2011, 04:18 PM
Those I agree with . . .


. . . but this one is news to me, and I've actually read Emily Post. Is this a british thing?

Regarding helping yourself to seconds? Perhaps, I think it all depends on who you're dining with. Personally I would refrain until offered but that's just me, unless I was with family and then everyone just tucks in.

I think the reason this is 'news' is it plays into all the stereo-types of British snobbery within the class system which are both uncomfortable, frustrating but somehow fascinating all at the same time.

While I loathe bad manners and some of the MIL's lists I do agree constitute bad manners, I would never say so to their face or via email of all things. But I'm pretty sure that to isolate and anger the future DIL and thus create plenty of :argue: and :drama: between the couple was exactly what she wanted to happen - just perhaps not quite on this scale ;)

michiruwater
07-01-2011, 04:20 PM
And the MIL would have been better off saying all this in person. Which in retrospect she probably wishes she had. It was very tacky of the DIL to give this to someone who posted it on the web. Kind of gives the center of attention accusation validity.

I don't really think so. If I received an e-mail like this, I would probably be shocked and crying my eyes out over the harshness of it, and I don't think it would be out of the realm of possibility for me, in my insecurity, to forward it to a couple close friends and say, "Am I wrong about thinking this is extreme or did I really deserve this??"

Or something like that.

Cheylana
07-01-2011, 04:21 PM
I suspect this is a case of six of one and half a dozen of the other. The future DIL was not a good house guest. I can't imagine that she thought it appropriate to make a scene in a pub (and the MIL wouldn't have to elaborate on a what she thought private email--both parties knew what she was referring to). And, I too know people who use a medical condition as an excuse to be the center of attention.
The problem for me is that we've only got the MIL's interpretation of the events. What constitutes a "scene"? What constitutes making oneself the center of attention? Based on the MIL's other comments (especially the dis on the DIL's less privileged parents), it seems just as likely that she's interpreting all of the DIL's actions in the most eville way possible :shuffle:

StonewshMullet
07-01-2011, 04:37 PM
Something tells me that there is a bit of 'like Father like Son" going on here. In other words marrying nasty bitches runs in the family. I bet both of these women are assholes that could do with a lesson in manners.