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View Full Version : You Lack Manners: A mother-in-law's rant



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Flatfoote
07-18-2011, 05:15 AM
Oh yeah, another day, another typo. You know what I mean. :shuffle:

Of course I knew what you meant. But I'm an ornery old fart and couldn't pass up the chance to tease. :cool:

IceAlisa
07-18-2011, 07:13 AM
Of course I knew what you meant. But I'm an ornery old fart and couldn't pass up the chance to tease. :cool:

It's all good. :P I've been making lots of typos lately. Those senior moments are happening with increased frequency...:yikes:

Jaana
07-18-2011, 07:22 PM
I am a former rude Euro and have been taught not to talk with my mouth full. I don't recall any rules about not taking a helping without an offering but then I was such a poor eater as a child that I was unlikely to reach for anything on my own anyway.

I was taught that when visiting, one has to follow the example of the hostess = eat and drink about the way she did. One does not reach to add more food onto the plate, but waits for invitation to have some more. If one guest is very slow in his/her eating, it is polite for the hostess to make her eating to last until all have finished.

FigureSpins
07-18-2011, 07:31 PM
Having said that I don't see a lot of US Amerikans chewing with their mouth full or burping at the table.
My inlaws were forever running their mouths with food in it. When I was expecting, it made me nauceous to hear them chomping and yapping away.

As a result, DH chews like a cow and talks with his mouth full...then he has to belch ("It's a compliment to the chef!") because he swallowed so much air - disgusting. Asking him to stop hasn't worked in the 30 years I've known him. I correct the kids all the time and mock them unmercifully when they choke while talking with their mouths full. DH just ignores me, so do they, at the table.

I correct my kids regularly, their friends have good manners, and they eat properly when we have company or go out. Sooner or later, they'll outgrow the art of disgusting their mother. Maybe they're doing it on purpose - my oldest definitely imitates dad in order to piss me off.

In the meantime, I'm thinking of eating dinner in the kitchen so I don't have to fight or listen to the herd. *shudders*

julieann
07-18-2011, 07:41 PM
Being the youngest of seven, I learned very early on to grab as much food as I could the second it was put on the table, or I didn't eat. Screw manners, at my house it was survival of the fittest. On holidays my mom would have to make me a plate and hide it in the oven.

I think guests and hosts should give and take in most situations.

PDilemma
07-18-2011, 07:44 PM
Being the youngest of seven, I learned very early on to grab as much food as I could the second it was put on the table, or I didn't eat. Screw manners, at my house it was survival of the fittest. On holidays my mom would have to make me a plate and hide it in the oven.

I think guests and hosts should give and take in most situations.

My father-in-law is the youngest of eleven. The man eats a plate of food faster than anyone else I've ever met in my entire life. :lol:

IceAlisa
07-18-2011, 07:59 PM
It does seem to be the case in large families. Every man and woman for himself.

Prancer
07-18-2011, 08:02 PM
It does seem to be the case in large families. Every man and woman for himself.

My dad always warned guests to be quick or they might draw back nothing more than a bloody stump.

FigureSpins
07-18-2011, 08:23 PM
My father-in-law is the youngest of eleven. The man eats a plate of food faster than anyone else I've ever met in my entire life. :lol:
My DH is the only son of an only son of an only son. My FIL ate like like for the entire time I knew him. When my MIL would remark on it, she blamed it on WWII, saying he wasn't like that before he went into the Army Air Corp. Snatch as much as you can and get it down because (as he put it) "you never know when the bomb is going to drop." I think it was the crowds at the tables in the mess hall that freaked him out. People probably touched his food or spit on it.

He was also very Mr. Monk-like, separated his food on the plate, wouldn't pick up a thing - used a fork and knife for Corn on the Cob and lamb chops, even at home or a picnic/BBQ/cookout.

taf2002
07-18-2011, 08:24 PM
It does seem to be the case in large families. Every man and woman for himself.

Sorry but this doesn't have to be typical of large families. I was one of 6 kids & we were very aware that the food needed to stretch to everyone before anyone took 2nds or a large portion. And talking & chewing or chewing with open mouth was not acceptable.

But OTOH, when dining family style, ie with bowls & platters on the table, IMO it is understood that people will take more if they want. Otherwise, why would the serving plates be on the table? I doubt whether "rude daughter-in-law" actually left the table, went into the kitchen, & got more.

MacMadame
07-18-2011, 08:30 PM
I don't understand why you'd have to eat fast in large families. If there isn't enough on the table on a regular basis for everyone, why wouldn't the cook just start making more?

I realize money might be an issue in some families but I have trouble believing everyone with a lot of kids is too poor to feed them properly.

Cyn
07-18-2011, 09:43 PM
It's indeed "foreign" to you since it happened in the U.K. Sometime, American table manners can also seem odd and even rude to foreigners.

Oh there's no doubt about that :) . Being raised in a Jewish household in the South, I think we got a double-dose of the "eat, eat, eat!" "have some more" "you're too thin, have another biscuit/potatoes/macncheese/cake" "don't be stingy, there's plenty to go around" mentality.

Thanksgivings at our house were epic as we had my mother's side (not Jewish) and my fathers side (Jewish), all bringing dishes of stuff. The buffet piece and the folding banquet table would be close to collapsing from the weight of all the food (plus, there would always be a few more dishes that were on the stove top, as well as the baskets of cornbread and biscuits on each dining table). There was easily enough food to feed an entire platoon with provisions to spare, and once the generic, non-denominational sort-of-but-not-really-a blessing was said, everyone would start fixing their plates. Whoever wanted more was free to get more, and those would would have "only" one plate would be teased relentlessly.

(BTW, Great Jewish food plus great Southern Food = one awesome Thanksgiving meal :swoon: )


Just as masticating noisily and burping loudly :yikes: me in some countries where it's totally not bad manners to do so, but on the contrary a nice way to show how much you're enjoying your food.

I hear ya.


Not long ago, I was watching an episode of "Rizzoli & Isles" with my best friend's 10 years old son (who's born of a French father and a Swiss mother) and he was :eek: when beautiful Angie Harmon held a full conversation while masticating Chinese food. It's something his mother taught him never to do, just as she taught him to ask before helping himself again (even at the family table) and she isn't particularly old fashioned or uptight, it's even quite the contrary.

Talking with a mouth full of food is beyond :yikes: :scream: . It's tacky, tacky, tacky.

IceAlisa
07-18-2011, 11:09 PM
I don't understand why you'd have to eat fast in large families. If there isn't enough on the table on a regular basis for everyone, why wouldn't the cook just start making more? The cook, aka in the case I am thinking of, is a busy professional with a full time demanding job. Only so much can be asked of that person.

BigB08822
07-18-2011, 11:12 PM
Many times doubling a recipe does not equal more cooking time, or if it does it is minimal, just a little more chopping, etc. I could see money being an issue but not time, not for most meals.

PeterG
07-19-2011, 12:14 AM
I don't understand why you'd have to eat fast in large families. If there isn't enough on the table on a regular basis for everyone, why wouldn't the cook just start making more?

I realize money might be an issue in some families but I have trouble believing everyone with a lot of kids is too poor to feed them properly.

Who said anything about everyone? Some familes, regardless of children, have little money. My Mom told me that when we were young, my Dad would take the meat off of our plates when she wasn't looking because he felt his portion was too small. I don't remember us ever going hungry, so there were enough vegetables and potatoes to keep us full. But the expensive stuff (meat) was limited to smaller portions.