View Full Version : When an invitation says 'No Gifts' do you still bring one?

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06-07-2011, 01:06 PM
If they are wine drinkers, you could bring a nice (but not extravagant) bottle of wine along with whatever food dish you bring. Then they can open it and serve it to the group as part of the potluck, or they could consider it a gift and put it aside.

06-07-2011, 01:22 PM
Totally with the "no gifts" crowd. Yes, some people might ignore that, but when I ask for no gifts, I'm always happier with the people who honor my request.

06-07-2011, 02:15 PM
I'm not sure I'm with the donation idea - other guests might feel upstaged, and the couple might be uncomfortable because they don't know how to thank you.

I say bring the food, and if you want to do something extra, as Aceon6 said, it should be something for the event - an extra bottle of wine, or some flowers for the couple that can be put on a table, or even a bunch of balloons if they are fun.

The other thing you could do - although I'd say this would mostly be for family or close neighbours - would be to help out with set up, serving, clean up etc.

06-07-2011, 05:54 PM
I agree, no gifts should mean no gifts. It drives me nuts when people take gifts anyway. That said, it is always good manners to show up with a nice bottle of wine and some flowers when you are invited to dinner, so I would do that along with whatever potluck item you are taking. (Sending the flowers in advance is even nicer. Then they don't need to search for a vase while greeting guests!)

If you like taking photos, you could ask in advance if the couple would like you to snap photos of all the guests for them. It is always difficult to take pictures at your own party so they may appreciate the offer.

Have fun!

06-07-2011, 06:25 PM
By all means, no gifts means no gifts. Flowers, wine, food (especially since it is a potluck) and good company are all welcome additions I'm sure.

06-07-2011, 06:27 PM
I'm not sure I'm with the donation idea - other guests might feel upstaged...
the other guests shouldn't even know about it. there's nothing to give, a letter comes from the charity after the fact (or before, if you give far enough in advance), directly to the honorees. I suppose someone could come in brandishing an envelope or card and making a big deal about having given in the couple's honor - but anyone who would do that would probably be just as loutish if it were a traditional party with gifts. :scream:

As for the recipients feeling uncomfortable...I would hope the giver would select a charity that is in line with their politics or whatever, but I can't see any other potential pitfalls there. If the charity is remotely on top of things, the recipients don't know the level of the gift - it could be $5, or $500.

06-07-2011, 06:32 PM
If they said "no gifts" then...don't bring a gift.

06-07-2011, 06:52 PM
Even better than flowers that need a vase is the ones that come in boxes with moist foam. There's no need for a vase, the whole thing is disposable. I'd take food and maybe flowers, wine, or even a nice juice or box of chocolates.

Dave of the North
06-07-2011, 07:02 PM
My in laws had their 60th on Sunday. Most people gave them cards, some gave money/gift cards, they got a few gifts. We had said no gifts on the notices at the place they live, but forgot about putting it with the announcement in the paper.

06-07-2011, 07:02 PM
Look at it this way. A 60th wedding anniversary is a remarkable achievement. The pot luck aspect tells me that they prefer a low-key celebration. They're probably just grateful that they're both still alive and that their marriage has endured. They want to celebrate this rare milestone with their family and friends but they don't want a lot of fuss. Honor their request. Forget about a gift.

06-07-2011, 07:09 PM
A nice card would be OK if you want to give them something tangible, instead of just saying "Happy anniversary".

06-07-2011, 07:20 PM
I've read somewhere that most people on their 60th Anniversary don't want gifts. At this time in their life, they are looking/trying to get rid of things. Not collect more.

The "No gifts" policy should be honored. Like others suggest, flowers, wine or a card is acceptable.

I find the elderly love their "red" wine.

06-07-2011, 07:26 PM
No gift but definitely bring a card & write something personal inside. My mother said those were the best gifts she ever got. She got over 200 cards & absolutely loved reading all the messages.

06-07-2011, 07:26 PM
I always take a card. It gives me the opportunity to express how much that person means to me. It's not a gift. It's a sentiment. If you've already sent one, you are more than done with your obligations.

06-07-2011, 09:02 PM
Another nice gesture is to put a picture of the happy couple, taken as far back as you can find, in the card. If you're in the picture, even better. We asked for photos for my grandparents 50th anniversary and then put them all in an album. A few years later when my grandmother was in the hospital she spent hours looking through the album.