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View Full Version : Parents Keep Child's Gender A Secret Following Birth (and other incredulous stuff)



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RobbieB
01-26-2012, 04:47 PM
My sister had really short hair all through our childhood/teen years. She does have a "softer face", but up until she started "developing" in her teen years, she was always coming home crying because someone asked her if she was a boy or referred to her as being a boy. In her older teen years and until she grew her hair out in her late 20's she had to deal with people thinking she was a dike because of her short hair. I'm not really sure why people make these assumptions...Just because one person thinks a boy should have long blonde hair, doesn't mean that it is "wrong". If you grandson is happy with his long blonde hair, then good on him for wearing it that way!

---
R. Bryant
http://www.trailways.com/team-trailways/motorcoach-listing-companies/companies/flagship

VIETgrlTerifa
01-26-2012, 06:52 PM
One of my sisters has short hair because it fits her face better and becomes curly when it gets long. She's also an athletic type and is on her high school's basketball team and tennis team. She also dresses pretty casually and only wears make-up for a dance or a special occasion. So of course when we're out, people some times mistake her for a boy or ask me of that's my brother. It happened a lot more when she was younger and it used to bother her.

taf2002
01-26-2012, 07:29 PM
I don't believe in strictly enforced gender roles but IMO this was carrying things to an extreme. This kid may be bullied due to his notariety. Or he may grow up with a confused sense of self. Or he may feel different from his brother & sister & be unable to bond with them. Maybe none of the above, but I think these parents were taking an awful chance with their experiment.

MacMadame
01-26-2012, 08:56 PM
I don't believe in strictly enforced gender roles but IMO this was carrying things to an extreme. This kid may be bullied due to his notariety. Or he may grow up with a confused sense of self. Or he may feel different from his brother & sister & be unable to bond with them. Maybe none of the above, but I think these parents were taking an awful chance with their experiment.
Don't you think, if it was upsetting him and causing him harm, that they would have changed their behavior?

People predict all these dire consequences and some say, well maybe that won't happen, but there are also wonderful positive consequences that could also happen. Maybe he will grow up with a much stronger sense of self. Maybe he will be much more confident and not as subject to other people's opinions. Maybe none of that will happen either but why not accept that it's a possibility?

I think people need to be more self-aware and realize that much of their negative reaction is due to how uncomfortable it makes them when people don't conform to societal norms.

PeterG
01-26-2012, 09:04 PM
I remember when they started allowing women to vote. Big mistake. It brought a lot of hardship to the lives of females. They never should have done that to the little ladies. Gals used to be so much happier baking in the kitchen. Oh well... :(

milanessa
01-26-2012, 11:11 PM
I remember when they started allowing women to vote. Big mistake. It brought a lot of hardship to the lives of females. They never should have done that to the little ladies. Gals used to be so much happier baking in the kitchen. Oh well... :(

Completely agree.

Japanfan
01-27-2012, 12:05 AM
I don't believe in strictly enforced gender roles but IMO this was carrying things to an extreme. This kid may be bullied due to his notariety. Or he may grow up with a confused sense of self. Or he may feel different from his brother & sister & be unable to bond with them. Maybe none of the above, but I think these parents were taking an awful chance with their experiment.

Gendering kids does not mean they grow up with a clear sense of self. The limitations, assumptions and behaviours imposed on a child due to gendering cause a lot of problems. Just think of all the boys that have been bullied because they figure skate.

Japanfan
01-27-2012, 12:06 AM
I remember when they started allowing women to vote. Big mistake. It brought a lot of hardship to the lives of females. They never should have done that to the little ladies. Gals used to be so much happier baking in the kitchen. Oh well... :(

Oh yeah, just give me an apron, a mix master and a spatula. Womanhood in exaltation.

PeterG
01-27-2012, 12:08 AM
Completely agree.

Of course you do. Just like a woman should!

:P


Oh yeah, just give me an apron, a mix master and a spatula. Womanhood in exaltation.

Oh, I can just see you in that apron whippin' something up in the kitchen!! :grope: :D

milanessa
01-27-2012, 12:28 AM
Of course you do. Just like a woman should!

:P


And then there's the bedroom...:D

mpal2
01-27-2012, 12:41 AM
Don't you think, if it was upsetting him and causing him harm, that they would have changed their behavior?

Parents screw up all the time. Well intentioned parents can be incredibly dense. I've never met a parent that didn't have a "I didn't know that" moment when they have reminiscing moments with their adult kids. My sister has already experienced "I never knew that" moments with her youngest daughter and she's only in 6th grade.

My mother didn't realize how miserable the reading class experiment was for me until I was in high school/college. Long involved story that really doesn't matter but there were 4 teachers and at least one other set of clueless parents that didn't know what was going on either. I was told that this was supposed to be a positive thing for me so I told them what they obviously wanted to hear instead of how I really felt and I didn't feel like my opinion mattered to anyone. Sure, I know now that they had good intentions but I still have to remind my mother that she needs to pay more attention to what I say instead of plowing ahead with her version of events.

As I stated earlier, I hope this kid has the personality, temperament and parents that are really in touch with his feelings. I also wouldn't be incredibly surprised to hear a "how my parents screwed me" story from this kid later on in years.

MacMadame
01-27-2012, 08:03 AM
Parents screw up all the time.
Well yes we do. But mostly our kids turn out okay and we are trying to do the right thing all the time. Sure, there are some real wackos out there but they are a tiny minority of parents.

What bothers me is the assumption that these parents are surely bad parents who must be doing things that will most likely warp their kids and at best won't do any harm but couldn't possibly give them an edge. All because they are doing something non-traditional.

My kids go to a non-traditional school after years in public schools and Mini-Mac is going back to public school next year so I've seen both sides. I've seen parents who breastfed their kids until Kindergarten and have a family bed and parents who believe in spanking and crying it out. I've seen parents who homeschool and parent who insist on a private school and parent who limit their kids' activities so they won't be too busy and parents who enroll their kids in classes during summer break and push them to do many activities so they can get into the best college possible. I've seen family units where the mom is a SAHM parents and ones where the dad stays home and the mom works and ones where everyone works.

And what I see is that most kids are fine and are thriving. OTOH, the ones in the non-traditional settings or with non-traditional families are more mature and confident on average. They have to be because being non-traditional take balls.

my little pony
01-27-2012, 01:26 PM
i dont remember how this first got on tv. but i dont have a lot of faith in parents who put their children on the evening news.

taf2002
01-27-2012, 03:43 PM
Don't you think, if it was upsetting him and causing him harm, that they would have changed their behavior?

Not necessarily. Have the Duggars been doing what is in the best interests of their oldest girls or what is in their own best interests? Are the parents who are raising completely undisciplined kids causing those kids future harm?


Just think of all the boys that have been bullied because they figure skate.

That's because we assign gender roles, not because we let people know our baby is a son & not a daughter.

PeterG
01-27-2012, 08:34 PM
I also wouldn't be incredibly surprised to hear a "how my parents screwed me" story from this kid later on in years.

I'm wondering if the story will be, "my family life was great...but the f***ed society around us...holy CRAP!!!"


i dont remember how this first got on tv. but i dont have a lot of faith in parents who put their children on the evening news.

How about parents who enter their toddlers into beauty pageants or...

...push them to perform in international skating events at a young age...

...or have them become top-tier pianists (while looking miserable)...

...or have them join football or boxing or hockey where violence is the norm...

...or have them join military-themed groups...

...or demean their children for not getting straight A's...

The list can go on and on. This set of parents were asked by their local newspaper to do a print interview. The parents felt there was something that others could learn about which would improve the lives of not only their children, but other children as well. (Not to mention other adults.)

Obviously this was an issue that needed much discussion where people would have a lot to learn and grow from. So when follow-up interviews were requested, the parents did a few more. The parents did not continually go after the media to do weekly interviews. As far as I know, they did three in total.

It's one thing to push children into doing things that the parent wanted for themself or that the parent thinks would be good for the child (when the child does NOT want to do it). It's another thing to discuss an issue in the hopes that the discussion will make the world a better place for your child.