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PDilemma
12-20-2010, 06:02 PM
I second the meds. My grandfather became unbearably cranky in his late 80s. Finally, my mother and aunt brought it up with his doctor and she said that they could alter his meds as mood changes were a side effect of a few. Lowering his dosage of asthma medicine and changing another medication returned him to his normal upbeat self.

I was not surprised because I have had the same issue with asthma medicines. Advair makes me really bitchy. And Symbicort makes me cry at the drop of a hat. In fact, two doses of Symbicort a day and the hat just has to teeter a bit and not even drop to make me cry. No more Symbicort for me.

KCC
12-20-2010, 06:47 PM
I recently noticed that my aging mom starts a lot of conversations with "Do you know what I hate?" and proceeds to tell me. I softly suggested that we talk more about things that she loves and she started crying. She's depressed and lonely and probably does not fully understand why she dwells on negative things. For her, it is definitely a combination of physical and emotional changes. Even knowing that, sometimes it is very hard to be a patient & understanding daughter.

Twilight1
12-20-2010, 07:59 PM
My dad has certainly gotten grumpier as he got older but I think that life handed him a raw deal. Certainly dreams unfulfilled are an aspect of that. My parents split and his upbringing left him pretty jaded and now with all his health issues, I completely understand why he would feel the way he does.

If my dad can make it through his next chemo round, I am going to get his doctor's okay and take him to England. He has always wanted to go and I really hope that is something we can do together.

AliasJohnDoe
12-20-2010, 08:04 PM
My mom is in her mid 50s and she is substantially grumpier than even 5 years ago.

Briton poll shows age 52 as grumpy threshold.
http://www.nydailynews.com/lifestyle/health/2010/10/08/2010-10-08_age_52_the_year_people_turn_grumpy.html




One reason for the decline in mirth might be the lack of joke-telling skills. The study found the average Briton only knows two jokes.



:lol:

Schmeck
12-20-2010, 09:16 PM
I noticed that the older generation is ruled by one simple axiom: those who don't lecture younger strangers how to behave are the smartest. Works offline and online.

In days past, the younger generation learned proper decorum and behavior (human social skills) at the feet of the older generation. Didn't matter if you were a relative or not - the whole village was involved. We've gotten so far removed from that, and it shows in some people's posts here.

Aussie Willy
12-20-2010, 09:19 PM
Thanks for everyone's responses. I think it sheds a lot of light on the issue of getting older.

The thing that prompted me to start this thread was my mum (who I am currently living with while my unit is being built) visited my Nanna (her mum) on the weekend and came back complaining that she was stubbon, didn't listen, was ignorant, was intolerant, etc. And the funny thing is I am seeing those things in her.

I think my Nanna is actually smarter than my mum gives her credit for. When I have seen my Nanna she has spoken about how much she resents my mum talking about her going into a home and that she shouldn't drive. So I am not sure if my mum actually understands that maybe she might be the problem and not my Nanna. And maybe the stubboness is a reaction to my mum's patronising attitude and trying to control her.

I think more importantly, my mum probably doesn't realise that she is not going to change my Nanna so she probably just needs to accept that is how she is. Nanna is stubbon but it is a matter of recognising it and negotiating rather than imposing a point of view on her. Or even just listening.

But anyway it is funny how alike they both are. But if you said something to my mum she wouldn't see it that way.

Marlowe
12-20-2010, 09:39 PM
I wonder if maintaining some sort of physical activity helps. I know I feel better after a good skate (or even a bad one) or a class at the Y. I think it's getting those endorphin levels up, plus the social aspect involved with being out and about with others. I notice that I get cranky and down when I spend a lot of time on my own, in my house. And I've always been that way.

My grandmother got horribly cranky as she got older. Her world just became smaller and smaller and the only thing she saw was what was presented to her on tv. I think some sort of social life would've helped immensley.

I think there are benefits to physical exercise and to community.
Cosmos Chi Kung is beneficial for the body, mind and spirit. Very powerful stuff.

Japanfan
12-20-2010, 10:54 PM
As the weight of our unfulfilled dreams settles on us, some of us go crazy, but most of us just get more impatient and grumpy. I see it a lot in myself. (age 49)

Love "as the weight of our unfulfilled dreams settles on us". I'm reminded of something Kurt Vonnegut wrote: at some point your life becomes an epilogue.

I'm 52 and have definitely becomes more grumpy and impatient. Part of that is I tire more easily from work and don't handle pressure as well as we used to. When we are young we are driven by career and financial aspirations, but when we reach our 50s our aspirations and values change, and we reassess our dreams. And many people in their 40s and 50s have burnt out their adrenal glands due to all the pressures of modern life (working too much, raising kids while working full-time, endless financial demands) so we can't handle as much as used to, but somehow have to hang in there until retirement.

I've found that I have to put mental and physical health before money. I've been self-employed in a super high pressure job for most of my life, and since there is no retirement in sight, I really have to take care that I don't over-cook. The neat thing is that I'm not making less money. ;)


My mother always says that as you get older you've got your same personality - only more so. The happy people seem to get even happier, and the grumpy ones tend to get grumpier.

This is only true for some - others become a shadow their former selves. This was true of my dad. Always a fat man, he became thin in his later years and completely lost interest in food. He also lost his brilliant sense of humour and his passions for hockey and politics.

Of course, it doesn't help that many young people don't see the elderly as human any more and that nursing homes strip the elderly of their dignity.

mysticchic
12-20-2010, 11:16 PM
My parents have gotten very grumpy the past few years. My Mom who thought when my Dad retired she was going to be able to do stuff with him. My Dad is lost without a job and is depressed. He doesn't have the retirement amount to be able to do all the things my mom wants to do. So my Mom spends the day bytching to my Dad about stuff to the point of him wanting to leave her and he is 78 and she is 74.
Then they take turns calling me to resolve the fights. I'm 52 and I've mellowed with age. I get depressed that I can't do the things I used to, but I have figured out I can't change the world either. I just don't have the time to waste on that stuff any more.
My sister who is turning 50 this year freaked out when she turned 40 and left her husband and kids. She moved in with a younger guy and started traveling around selling t-shirts at bike shows.
30 was the hardest for me. I couldn't use age as an excuse. I was a grown up. 40 was easy.

Cyn
12-20-2010, 11:33 PM
In days past, the younger generation learned proper decorum and behavior (human social skills) at the feet of the older generation. Didn't matter if you were a relative or not - the whole village was involved. We've gotten so far removed from that, and it shows in some people's posts here.

This.

There's been a paradigm shift of sorts. I don't know if it's by the parenting or by changes in social attitudes, and I sure as hell know that I'm not the only one who has seen this, but there's definitely been a change in the amount of respect and, as you put it, proper decorum and human social skills displayed by the current generation of young adults. I am not saying that everyone in that age range is like that, but there's definitely a considerable rise in the percentage of those who at best show far less respect for others (not only the older generation, but people in general) and at worst outright contempt and a disregard for behavior that is decent.

Aceon6
12-21-2010, 12:19 AM
but there's definitely been a change in the amount of respect and, as you put it, proper decorum and human social skills displayed by the current generation of young adults. I am not saying that everyone in that age range is like that, but there's definitely a considerable rise in the percentage of those who at best show far less respect for others (not only the older generation, but people in general) and at worst outright contempt and a disregard for behavior that is decent.

ITA. I find it sad that the younger folks in our office who were raised in other cultures (India, China, Russia) seem to be more adept at navigating the interpersonal land mine that those raised in the USA. FWIW, I have the hardest time with the younger employees who never did paying work prior to leaving college.

Enough grumpy. Today, I'm thankful for the developer in India who acknowledged one of my customer's problems within 5 minutes of it being reported. The gal's a gem and I really enjoy working with her.

AliasJohnDoe
12-21-2010, 12:34 AM
My parents are both 70 years old. They both retired at 65 and celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary last year. They seem more happy now than they did before they retired. Not grumpy at all. Maybe it's because they do a lot of day trips/traveling/vacationing. Or maybe it's that they still have sex. :yikes: About 2 months ago, I went over to their house to check on them. Came in the kitchen door and heard "noises". Went back toward their bedroom to check before I realized what was going on. :scream: Left quickly and called my sister to let her know what I walked in on. She said the same thing use to happen to her when she checked in on them. She said she calls first now. Maybe a good sex life keeps older people from getting grumpy.

Aussie Willy
12-21-2010, 01:08 AM
This.

There's been a paradigm shift of sorts. I don't know if it's by the parenting or by changes in social attitudes, and I sure as hell know that I'm not the only one who has seen this, but there's definitely been a change in the amount of respect and, as you put it, proper decorum and human social skills displayed by the current generation of young adults. I am not saying that everyone in that age range is like that, but there's definitely a considerable rise in the percentage of those who at best show far less respect for others (not only the older generation, but people in general) and at worst outright contempt and a disregard for behavior that is decent.

There is a feeling amongst some of those who I work with and have been working for many years, that those in the 20s have an incredible sense of self-entitlement and expectation which far exceeds what they actually deserve.

This could probably be a whole new topic.

canbelto
12-21-2010, 02:46 AM
My mom definitely has gotten more grumpy. She used to have a sense of humor, now it seems as if she's become very sanctimonious and judgmental. My dad, otoh, has become much more easygoing and fun.

Schmeck
12-21-2010, 11:47 AM
My parents are both 70 years old. They both retired at 65 and celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary last year. They seem more happy now than they did before they retired. Not grumpy at all. Maybe it's because they do a lot of day trips/traveling/vacationing. Or maybe it's that they still have sex. :yikes: About 2 months ago, I went over to their house to check on them. Came in the kitchen door and heard "noises". Went back toward their bedroom to check before I realized what was going on. :scream: Left quickly and called my sister to let her know what I walked in on. She said the same thing use to happen to her when she checked in on them. She said she calls first now. Maybe a good sex life keeps older people from getting grumpy.


Bless your parents! I think they are awesome (although sorry that you had to semi-witness the situation, LOL! No matter how old we are, I believe it is a major trauma to witness your parents having sex:eek::lol:)