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View Full Version : looking for Mr. Jim Tester (coach)



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alilou
11-29-2010, 08:57 AM
I appreciate what you are trying to do but if he doesn't have a Facebook or anything else public perhaps he simply doesn't want to be found by old students/people he knew! There are many many tools out there online to make yourself easily found if you want to be.

In the same way, I'd really hate to think a whole bunch of people on a message board were out there looking up all kinds of records to try to find me if I simply wanted to be left alone.

I understand the feelings of the OP but there comes a point where you have to respect a person's privacy. If he wanted to reconnect with old friends, then he'd join a social network (many coaches have one). If not, then I think you should give him the basic courtesy of letting him be. You've made this post on here now which is the first thing that comes up in Google if you search for the man's name so if he wants to contact you then he will.

I think the internet really goes too far sometimes, and while everyone means well, it's really too far.

It seems here we're talking about a retired coach who is getting on in years. Just because people are not on facebook, or even the internet for that matter, does not mean they don't want to be found. For your information there are several generations of people out there who were not raised with the internet, let alone facebook or other internet based social networks, or even care about them! I didn't get my first computer until I was into my 50's. I only joined facebook to keep up with my wide spread family (and have no interest in it beyond that), and have no interest in twitter or the like. And it seems Mr Tester is a lot older than I am. Just because he's not visible on the internet doesn't mean he doesn't want to be found. It may just mean he's from a completely different generation who don't put the internet front and centre in their lives!

Ice Ramps
11-29-2010, 09:12 AM
I appreciate what you are trying to do but if he doesn't have a Facebook or anything else public perhaps he simply doesn't want to be found by old students/people he knew! There are many many tools out there online to make yourself easily found if you want to be.

In the same way, I'd really hate to think a whole bunch of people on a message board were out there looking up all kinds of records to try to find me if I simply wanted to be left alone.

I understand the feelings of the OP but there comes a point where you have to respect a person's privacy. If he wanted to reconnect with old friends, then he'd join a social network (many coaches have one). If not, then I think you should give him the basic courtesy of letting him be. You've made this post on here now which is the first thing that comes up in Google if you search for the man's name so if he wants to contact you then he will.

I think the internet really goes too far sometimes, and while everyone means well, it's really too far.

Wow really? I'm fairly speachless so I guess I'll keep this somewhat brief. Jim left both my Mom and I his new address and number, but I was just a kid when he moved and not ready to handle the complexities of long distant relationships (and the internet was not around then). Jim was not just some coach I once had, he and my mother ran the skating skating school together, and he was often a guest in our home, in fact she took over the skating school when he left. The reason he left in the first place was that our rink had to close for the Summer, and not everyone wants to lose thier job for three months. Also not everyone of his age/generation cares to setup a facebook or other social networking site. My Mother only recently did so recently since I am in the army and far from home, so its an easy way to stay in touch.

How about this, if you don't wish to assist me then simply don't reply. I am simply trying to reconnect with a guy that was like a father to me. If I manage to track him down then I'm sure he will let me know if he does not want to found as your suggesting. I just don't get it, why is it not ok to try and find a family friend?

With Regards,
Dale Campbell

mrinalini
11-29-2010, 09:58 AM
I think the internet really goes too far sometimes, and while everyone means well, it's really too far.

The same can be said of your completely unnecessary and mean-spirited post except that considering your posting history, I doubt you mean well.

Iceman
11-29-2010, 12:54 PM
If I were James, I would be thrilled that you wanted to find me. Senior citizens have frequently lost many friends and family to death and would be delighted to hear from others who have been a part of their lives.

JeffClair1979
11-29-2010, 09:14 PM
Keep the search up- It's always nice to reconnect with old mentors and many mentors find it nice to reconnect with old pupils, and if Mr. Tester wants to be left alone, let HIM tell you that himself. Nothing wrong with what you're doing.

Rob
11-29-2010, 10:25 PM
Have you tried ZabaSearch? There is a Jim O Tester in Ronkonkoma, NY. You could send a card to the address and the worst that would happen is no reply.

Ice Ramps
11-30-2010, 12:37 AM
If I were James, I would be thrilled that you wanted to find me. Senior citizens have frequently lost many friends and family to death and would be delighted to hear from others who have been a part of their lives.


Keep the search up- It's always nice to reconnect with old mentors and many mentors find it nice to reconnect with old pupils, and if Mr. Tester wants to be left alone, let HIM tell you that himself. Nothing wrong with what you're doing.


Have you tried ZabaSearch? There is a Jim O Tester in Ronkonkoma, NY. You could send a card to the address and the worst that would happen is no reply.

Thanks for the support guys, work was busy today so I have not tried the leads that have turned up yesterday/today yet.

-Dale

wouldacoulda
12-01-2010, 02:16 AM
Good luck with your search. I hope you are able to reconnect with your old coach/friend.

tangerine_dream
12-01-2010, 09:08 PM
Originally Posted by Iceman View Post
If I were James, I would be thrilled that you wanted to find me. Senior citizens have frequently lost many friends and family to death and would be delighted to hear from others who have been a part of their lives.

My posting history consists of mainly three types of posts:

Posts where I've related things I've seen first hand while skating
Posts where I defend skaters who still want to skate despite the peanut gallery saying they should retire because they're "soooo old" at ~25
Posts where I give my opinions which are usually contradictory to a lot of people because most people here are obsessed with skaters to the point that they think they "know them" and "know what's best for them" and people who have a maturity level of 8 years old and cannot manage to debate something 100% unrelated to them personally without going for personal attacks (much like this post I'm replying to now....notice how I didn't attack anyone and yet I'm being attacked for giving my opinion that this search is going too far, classy for someone who's probably twice my age).

If you think my post, where I pointed out that perhaps this man is hard to find because he might not want to be found and that perhaps we should respect his privacy, and that at the very least a search like that shouldn't be conducted out in public on a figure skating board open to anyone (especially when some people are starting to poke around in social security stuff and obituaries and God knows what...) is "mean-spirited" you have a serious brain malfunction.

My post was to urge people to respect this man's privacy. Perhaps he would love to reconnect with the OP. But perhaps not. And I don't think people should chase him down all over the internet, making public posts like that, posting his last name and other information about his whereabouts, on a public board. He is no longer a coach- he is not a celebrity, he didn't ask for his personal stuff to be posted on a public forum. Maybe he wouldn't care, but maybe he would, and it's not for any of you to decide that. The fact that you'd find it "mean-spirited" to even CONSIDER he might want to keep his privacy and not have his name on a message board, when he doesn't seem like a coach of such notoriety to have been a household name of any sort (and thus not accustomed to people making his business public..) is downright disgusting. So, what you want is how it has to be...if you feel like finding someone you should simply assume they're fine with you posting about them on message boards and enlisting a hoard of women to seek him out when he might not want to revisit that part of his life in the first place? How selfish and scary.

Most boards I've ever been a part of, if you post about a private person (aka not a famous coach or skater) then it gets deleted because that person deserves their privacy and their name shouldn't be posted like that. I didn't think anything bad of this thread with the first post, but most of these "seeking such and such person" threads end after one or two messages, and those messages always say "I'll PM you what I found", they NEVER post it on the thread itself. That's fine, but this thread is creepy and crossing the line of what a public board should allow its posters to post about a private person who didn't give their consent.

Like I said in my original post, I'm 100% sure the OP means well- there are coaches I would love to reconnect with as well, however, posting this man's name, whereabouts, and other information on a public forum where a dozen of people go about trying to track this man down, is not right. If you cannot see that, then the problem is with you, not with me. If you take offense to what I'm saying rather than consider the possibility that a coach "getting on in the years" might not want to be posted about on a public message board like this, you have absolutely zero respect for this man whatsoever, and that isn't my fault.

Then again, most people here have zero respect for anyone they talk about, figure skater or not, talking about underage men skaters' "asses" and so forth even though most women here are middle-aged or older which makes it pretty sick not to mention illegal, so I guess it comes with the territory. It's just downright hilarious that in the middle of all the pedophelia, trash-talking, trying to claim you know what's "best for skaters" and so forth, that a poster like me would be the one regarded as mean-spirited. Good for a laugh, I guess.

Good luck with the stalking. I don't see how he could want to reconnect after the lack of respect and courtesy you're giving him, though. Poor guy.


Originally Posted by Iceman View Post
If I were James, I would be thrilled that you wanted to find me. Senior citizens have frequently lost many friends and family to death and would be delighted to hear from others who have been a part of their lives.

Herein lies the rub, Iceman: You're not James. You're someone posting on this forum through the use of an alias, like most of us. You cannot know what this other person totally unrelated to you would think. I'm not saying he would have a problem with it, I'm saying everyone should have the respect for this man to CONSIDER he might not want this thread up.

If I were James, I too would want to reconnect with old students, especially close ones. But I absolutely would NOT want a thread about me on a public forum and a bunch of women I don't know poking around obituaries to see if I'm still alive. Gross.

LongTimeLurker
12-01-2010, 09:16 PM
td, you have taken this so far out of context that I am not even going to bother explaining it to you. Have fun googling your name to see if people are looking for you. You seem to have a lot of time on your hands.

tangerine_dream
12-01-2010, 09:23 PM
One more thing: you said that he moved, and he left you and your mother his address and phone number. Even if you were not "ready for the complexities of long distance relationships" as a kid, whatever that means, if he was "so close" to your family I'd assume your mother at least kept in touch with him, and that if he were to move again or change his number again, he'd let her know. How can someone who have been so close to your family as to have been considered a "second father" disappear without anyone in your family knowing, and yet you assume he still wants you to find him? Did your mother also change her number? House address? It seems like for such a close relationship, there would still be some form of contact.

As for the man perhaps being too old to have a Facebook or to have no interest in being on the internet, well, here's a wild idea: perhaps if he's averse to the idea of Facebook, he would be averse to the idea of there being a thread about him!

Basically, I'm not trying to debate whether he wants to reconnect with OP or not: I am saying that whether or not he wants to reconnect with OP, it should be done IN PRIVATE, not on the internet. If he doesn't have any kind of online presence then it's safe to say he probably doesn't want one. Who are you to tell him otherwise? Do this in private. Call his old rinks, do what you can- IN PRIVATE.

Also, you told me not to reply if I don't want to help you- this is the whole downside of posting your private business on a public forum- ANYONE can reply, and anyone can do whatever they want with the information that's posted. Which is why it shouldn't be.

Rottie
12-01-2010, 10:00 PM
Lots of people who were once very close have drifted apart. Pre-Internet, it happened all the time. Writing letters was difficult for many people -- they didn't know what to say, or they didn't think they wrote very well, or it was just something that kept getting put off. To older generations (especially Depression Era folks), making a long-distance phone call is considered an expense for emergencies and special occasions, not for routine chatting. Phone #s changed, got lost . . .

I trust Ice Ramps to have a sense whether this gentleman would welcome getting back in touch, and I don't see anything here that violates anyone's privacy. The elderly people I know would get a chuckle if they found out folks had been combing the SSA records for news of their demise.

Good luck with your search, Dale.

mrinalini
12-01-2010, 11:13 PM
If you think my post, where I pointed out that perhaps this man is hard to find because he might not want to be found and that perhaps we should respect his privacy, and that at the very least a search like that shouldn't be conducted out in public on a figure skating board open to anyone (especially when some people are starting to poke around in social security stuff and obituaries and God knows what...) is "mean-spirited" you have a serious brain malfunction.



It's working just fine, thanks. And don't be so quick to assume that I'm twice your age because I doubt you are, bint.

That you would analyze this situation to such an extreme degree is more creepy than anything else. Most people who click on this thread would say nothing if they couldn't help Mr. Dale, post something if they could help, or wish Mr. Dale good luck on his search and be on their way. You, OTOH, have given a morbidly larger amount of thought to Mr. Dale's dilemma than even he probably has, and that is sick. You may think you're this great defender of Mr. Tester and others who are being mercilessly hounded by nutjobs like us, but I doubt they give a sh!t about your efforts. And you act as if people have posted Mr. Tester's most private details like his address and contact number when they most certainly haven't.

Oh, and if you're so disgusted by FSU and its denizens (the mods must be as perverted as the rest of us if they haven't deleted this thread by now), get lost. I, for one, won't miss your presence.

Iceman
12-02-2010, 12:39 AM
Tangerine, that you view my post as a personal attack is unbelievable. I stated my opinion, just as you expressed yours. The most you could conclude is that I had a different opinion from you. That hardly makes for a personal attack.

Ice Ramps
12-02-2010, 12:51 AM
One more thing: you said that he moved, and he left you and your mother his address and phone number. Even if you were not "ready for the complexities of long distance relationships" as a kid, whatever that means, if he was "so close" to your family I'd assume your mother at least kept in touch with him, and that if he were to move again or change his number again, he'd let her know. How can someone who have been so close to your family as to have been considered a "second father" disappear without anyone in your family knowing, and yet you assume he still wants you to find him? Did your mother also change her number? House address? It seems like for such a close relationship, there would still be some form of contact.

As for the man perhaps being too old to have a Facebook or to have no interest in being on the internet, well, here's a wild idea: perhaps if he's averse to the idea of Facebook, he would be averse to the idea of there being a thread about him!

Basically, I'm not trying to debate whether he wants to reconnect with OP or not: I am saying that whether or not he wants to reconnect with OP, it should be done IN PRIVATE, not on the internet. If he doesn't have any kind of online presence then it's safe to say he probably doesn't want one. Who are you to tell him otherwise? Do this in private. Call his old rinks, do what you can- IN PRIVATE.

Also, you told me not to reply if I don't want to help you- this is the whole downside of posting your private business on a public forum- ANYONE can reply, and anyone can do whatever they want with the information that's posted. Which is why it shouldn't be.

Ok yet again your perspective is warped. I tried to find him "in private" as you suggested without any success. So does that mean I should stop trying and maybe hear rumor that Jim passed away at some point in the future?

We stayed in touch with occasional phone calls and cards around the holidays but my own mother moved/changed her number and lost her contacts/address book during the move. During this period I was also serving in Desert Storm. Yes I posted Jim's name in this thread. I had hoped that somebody that knows him currently might pass a message to him or PM me a method to contact him. It's not like I posted his SSN and birth date online. Yes "ANYONE" can reply to a public thread, However this was a help request and most would see it as such and not reply the way you have.

Yes, you are correct I/we should have done a better job of staying in touch with Jim. I do regret this mistake, but there is no reason I can't try to correct that mistake now though.

In closing why are you so bitter about this? Why do you even care?

-Dale