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cruisin
08-22-2010, 06:27 PM
Maybe you can spend the next few years killing off your anger issues.

Then you'll be perfect.

Yeah, there is a lot of anger there :(. The other thing which I take issue with is: that women who want to be thin, do it for men. I don't, I do it for myself. I feel better when I'm thinner and I have my own body issues which dictate how I want to look. I couldn't care less if men thought I was fat or thin.

My husband is one of those very overweight men who comment on overweight women. Not women who are voluptuous, women who are very overweight. It really makes me angry, as he's close to 300lbs (from the 180 he weighed when we got married). How dare he criticize anyone else for being heavy, since he is. Though even if he were not heavy himself, it would be lousy. He also has an issue with short. He's 6'3" and for some reason makes remarks that imply that being short is somehow less than. :rolleyes: I was very overweight until I was 19, most everyone here knows that and that I went through a lot of struggling with eating. Consequently, I am very sensitive to the feelings of other women who are not happy with their weight. I am still an obese person inside of a skinny body. But, whatever it is/was, it was never for a man :D.

bek
08-22-2010, 06:53 PM
I don't know Cruisin I don't have an issue with men or women who chose to lose weight because they want to be more attractive with the opposite sex, I just hope they have other reasons besides that.

I recently lost close to 60 pounds, and I still have a little ways to go, but I'm almost there. I will say that when I was that overweight, I didn't feel attractive at all, and I actually would have been turned off by a guy who found me attractive at that weight. To be quite frank. A part of me wonders if I allowed myself to pack in that much weight because I didn't think I was worthy of being loved. (But that's a whole psychological issue.) Of course the thing with me was that I wasn't always that big, so it may have something to do with why I was so unhappy.

In the end, my wake up call about my weight was because I had hurt my knee badly and it still wasn't getting better, six months later, the goal of wanting to be able to walk and run pain free, was enough for me to start exercising every day. Now I can, and I'm way happier and more confidante about who I am, and I know married, single or whatever I don't want to go back to that old life. I'd be lying to say though that wanting to be more attractive wasn't a motivator, because it was. But trust me the running thing etc was way more of a motivator. But I don't think its wrong for someone to want to lose weight partly because they want to be more attractive to the opposite sex (same goes for man and women). I do hope though that the person's attitude isn't I'm going to lose weight to catch the person and then I'll gain it back once I hook them.

cruisin
08-22-2010, 07:00 PM
I don't know Cruisin I don't have an issue with men or women who chose to lose weight because they want to be more attractive with the opposite sex, I just hope they have other reasons besides that.

I don't have an issue with a woman wanting to lose weight to be more attractive to men. I just took issue with the poster implying that woman only do it to catch a man.


I recently lost close to 60 pounds...

In the end, my wake up call about my weight was because I had hurt my knee badly and it still wasn't getting better, six months later, the goal of wanting to be able to walk and run pain free, was enough for me to start exercising every day. Now I can, and I'm way happier and more confidante about who I am, and I know married, single or whatever I don't want to go back to that old life. I'd be lying to say though that wanting to be more attractive wasn't a motivator, because it was. But trust me the running thing etc was way more of a motivator. But I don't think its wrong for someone to want to lose weight partly because they want to be more attractive to the opposite sex (same goes for man and women). I do hope though that the person's attitude isn't I'm going to lose weight to catch the person and then I'll gain it back once I hook them.

Good for you, you lost weight for the right reason, your health. I believe, though, that it is important to look attractive in your own eyes. I want to look attractive, but I have to like what I see. If a man likes it too, that's fine. But I have to be happy with me ;). And I think you are happier with you now, that is awesome!

oleada
08-22-2010, 07:12 PM
Karina1974--are you implying at the end of your post from the other board that all thin women are dumb? Because that is as stereotypical and offensive as the implication that all bigger women are out of shape that you are arguing against.

I agree.

bek
08-22-2010, 07:44 PM
I don't have an issue with a woman wanting to lose weight to be more attractive to men. I just took issue with the poster implying that woman only do it to catch a man.



Good for you, you lost weight for the right reason, your health. I believe, though, that it is important to look attractive in your own eyes. I want to look attractive, but I have to like what I see. If a man likes it too, that's fine. But I have to be happy with me ;). And I think you are happier with you now, that is awesome!

Now that I think about I shouldn't have put on there just to attract the opposite sex, seeing as we have many people here who are interested in attracting the same sex. :lol: But I agree about looking attractive for yourself because if you don't find yourself beautiful than nobody well. I personally think we all know deep down if we are at a healthy weight or not. The unrealistic messages that the media sends is unfair , but I do think we know in our hearts if we are healthy.

I iwll say that I have issues with what Katrina said as well. I think that if someone is truly comfortably with being "bigger" and truly happy with themselves that way, than they wouldn't be displaying that much anger towards thin people. Although of course thin people can be rude in general. I will say though that I don't really recall people being that rude to me when I was bigger, now though I just get everyone and their brother (people I don't even know. :lol:) telling me how much better I look now. But I think in general to suggest that because someone has a better body in yourself that there must be something else wrong with them, suggests that perhaps the person isn't as happy with themselves as they claim. I could be totally wrong there, but thats what I suspect.

Jot the Dot Dot
08-22-2010, 07:53 PM
There's also the question of inner peace. I'd much rather date a chubby gal who is happy with her body (within healthy limitations of course), than a slimmer gal who has a neurotic opinion of herself. Great thing about actress America Ferrera is that she carries herself with, in one sense, pride, but in another sense, indifference. Sure beats a gal who has an obsession with dieting and plastic surgery.

vesperholly
08-22-2010, 07:57 PM
Plus size in Europe starts from 42, which is also a US 12. With the average size so much smaller in Europe than in the US, US 12 does seem plus size to them.

I was a size 10/12 when I traveled to Italy, and I felt like the only fat person in the entire country! Also, the only person wearing shorts. (We looked so American, no one even tried to speak Italian with us, they all went straight to English.) Where are all the tubby Nanas cooking marinara sauce? I didn't even try to shop for clothes there.

Spitalfields is a portmanteau that comes from "hospital fields", referring to land near a hospital in London. Probably the reason for the Allsaints part, though that was not the hospital the fields refer to.


I recently lost close to 60 pounds
:cheer2:

I lost about 80 pounds three years ago, and I was 30 from my goal weight. I lost the first 30 on Weight Watchers, then my thyroid went hyperactive and I lost the following 50 from having no appetite and endless energy (and also a racing heartbeat, major dizziness and nausea). What was really frustrating is I got a ton of compliments - some from total strangers at my skating club - but I felt like absolute sh.t. Due to the treatment (and some of my overeating :shuffle:), I gained all the weight back, but I feel much better. No compliments now. :rolleyes:

bek
08-22-2010, 08:05 PM
There's also the question of inner peace. I'd much rather date a chubby gal who is happy with her body (within healthy limitaions of course), than a slimmer gal who has a neurotic opinion of herself. Great thing about actress America Ferrera is that she carries herself with, in one sense, pride, but in another sense, indifference. Sure beats a gal who has an obsession with dieting and plastic surgery.

Well exactly! I think too that it can be a matter of knowing that you are doing what you can to be healthy but also accepting your limits. As long as you know your trying to eat healthy and exercise thats all that one can really expect from oneself.

Jot the Dot Dot
08-22-2010, 08:16 PM
Hope this isn't too off topic. I have a sister-in-law who was always chipmunk-chubby. Then she was in a car accident that kept her in the hospital for over a month. After rehabilitation, she returned to work. A regular customer who had no knowledge of the accident comes to her store and comments about her slimmer figure. "How did you do it?" Mary hesitated at rehashing the event, when a co-worker steps in and says "Oh, she went on this incredible crash diet". Black humor, but good thing for me is that she chuckled while relating this to me.

cruisin
08-22-2010, 09:03 PM
There's also the question of inner peace. I'd much rather date a chubby gal who is happy with her body (within healthy limitations of course), than a slimmer gal who has a neurotic opinion of herself. Great thing about actress America Ferrera is that she carries herself with, in one sense, pride, but in another sense, indifference. Sure beats a gal who has an obsession with dieting and plastic surgery.

Very true. And as far as America Ferrera, she is absolutely gorgeous!


I was a size 10/12 when I traveled to Italy, and I felt like the only fat person in the entire country! Also, the only person wearing shorts. (We looked so American, no one even tried to speak Italian with us, they all went straight to English.) Where are all the tubby Nanas cooking marinara sauce? I didn't even try to shop for clothes there.

That's sort of a misunderstanding about Nanas in Italy. Most of the "sauce cooking" tubby Italian Nanas are in the US :lol:. The ones who are still in Italy don't eat as much fatty foods and they walk everywhere, so they stay thin.


Spitalfields is a portmanteau that comes from "hospital fields", referring to land near a hospital in London. Probably the reason for the Allsaints part, though that was not the hospital the fields refer to.

Interesting, thanks :)


No compliments now. :rolleyes:

Well, I think you're awesome!


Black humor, but good thing for me is that she chuckled while relating this to me.

That is really wonderful that she could see the humor in an innocent mistake. Hope she is doing well.

Tinami Amori
08-22-2010, 09:04 PM
The entire post + this last part…


If the men out there want a "hot bod" for a girlfriend, I say, let them go for that. They'll soon find out that beauty fades but dumb is forever, especially when the pwetty pwincesses start running for the cosmetic surgery to try to fix what isn't even broken.

Here is another view…….. :D

Women in politics, business and corporate world, law-firms and other high-ranking professions, as a rule, are trim and fit. This fact has very little to do with a desires to “catch a man” as “pewtty princesses”, and a lot to do with physical/emotional/life-style demands of such careers as well as aesthetics of personal appearance associated with success.

Being fit and trim, at present is an image associated with “education and success”. Being over-weight, in some instances, (when not a result of a medical or birth issue), suggests self-indulgence/lack of will power and/or lack of knowledge/intellect – qualities which hardly will get one ahead in ANY aspect of life… High ranking professional females, who are not fit and trim, are either much older women, or one-hell-of-special-professionals with unique skills and abilities. Most women in a "career world" are fit and trim.

I don’t have the foggiest idea “why men like thinner women”, nor gave it much thought past my own filter of aesthetics of “lines and forms”, which I hope the men in my circle do share, as they should, since such men would be attending the same museums, same ballet and dance performances as I have……..

But “human factor and preferences” aside…… You can’t pull off a 16-hour work-day, then jump on a trans-Atlantic 14-hr flight, and then hold a 6-hr meeting keeping you head clear and on the business, and then take a late supper if you are NOT fit and trim… unless you are Demis Roussos with your own private aircraft, 1 masseuse and 2 secretaries….. :D

==============
On the original topic.....

I think such “invitation line” (no fat girls) is stupid, but not illegal. It’s a private club, which often post signs “We reserve the right to refuse service to any customer”.

Filtering prospective club patrons based on appearance/attractiveness is an old practice and was done much more “low key” in the 70’s and 80’s in the night clubs of NY, LA and other major cities. You stood in a long line – if you did not look right, you did not get in, unless you were on a guest list. All the bouncer had to do is to tell you “we’re overcapacity right now” and wave in the “pwetty ones” through by pretending they are “regulars”.

Attending a night club is not a basic necessity or a civil rights issue. “Fat Girls” is not a “protected minority” group.

I do believe the club owners that it was a joke, or rather a clumsy advertising targeted at male patrons suggesting that the club aims to bring in attractive females.

Again, this is stupid! Why would a proprietor turn away ANY paying customer in this economy is beyond me….. What’s the harm of letting a Big Girl come in and buy a drink or two….. money don’t have the fat cells :lol:…… plus the Big Girls will make the fit and trim girls look that much better.

What a dumb marketing move on behalf of the club…..

cruisin
08-22-2010, 09:13 PM
^^ Lots of portly men are very successful, so :confused: And there are plenty of overweight women who are successful - can you spell Oprah?

As far as the club's advertising, it wasn't illegal, but it was ignorant and hurtful and reprehensible. It is no more reasonable to treat overweight people badly as it is to treat races or ethnicities badly. The only difference is that it's not taboo. Judging a person because of what they look like based on weight, color, shape of their features, the language they speak is ugly, period.

genevieve
08-22-2010, 09:16 PM
What I find interesting in conversations about weight (esp on the internet, where everything gravitates toward the extremes), is that there never seems to be a middle ground. Women are trying to be thin. Or they are plus/sized/overweight, or on the cusp of. Most of the people I see on a daily basis are neither. They are firmly in the size 6-10 range. Some are toned/fit, others are a bit lumpy in places...but in discussions, it always feels like the groups are the thin vs. everyone else. And that anyone who isn't actively working to be THIN is somehow derelict in their social obligation regardless of how much they weigh.

Holley Calmes
08-22-2010, 09:19 PM
^^ Lots of portly men are very successful, so :confused: And there are plenty of overweight women who are successful - can you spell Oprah?

Yep-and every time you pick up a tabloid magazine you see some article about Oprah's fluctuating weight. She's thin! She's fat! She's losing! She's gaining!

Instead of celebrating her success, too often many times her publicity revolves around her weight. Not all the time, but too darn much.

cruisin
08-22-2010, 09:20 PM
What I find interesting in conversations about weight (esp on the internet, where everything gravitates toward the extremes), is that there never seems to be a middle ground. Women are trying to be thin. Or they are plus/sized/overweight, or on the cusp of. Most of the people I see on a daily basis are neither. They are firmly in the size 6-10 range. Some are toned/fit, others are a bit lumpy in places...but in discussions, it always feels like the groups are the thin vs. everyone else. And that anyone who isn't actively working to be THIN is somehow derelict in their social obligation regardless of how much they weigh.

I can see that in many of the threads. But, I don't see it here. I think that several of us have been saying that size 6-10 is normal and not overweight. We are defending that a size 12 or 14 is also normal and should not be considered plus.