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ilovepaydays
07-28-2010, 05:30 PM
Recent discussions about this with people I know and conversations about the Clinton-Mezvinsky wedding has led me to do a thread about this here.

Interfaith marriage discussion at the Washingtonpost.com - including insights from a pretty interesting panel. (http://newsweek.washingtonpost.com/onfaith/2010/07/should_religions_intermarry/all.html)
For Clinton wedding, various faith options (http://www.philly.com/inquirer/world_us/20100305_For_Clinton_wedding__various_faith_option s.html)
Interfaith marriages are rising fast, but they are failing fat, too. (http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/06/04/AR2010060402011.html)

Not sure how I 100% feel about this for myself. I do think that religion is one of those areas you sure have 1000000% settled before you get married, especially if you plan on having children.

I personally wouldn't have a problem marrying someone from a different mainline Protestant denomination or probably someone who was Catholic (although wouldn't I have to convert or he wouldn't be able to take communion for marrying a non-Catholic - is that right?). But I do have quite a few Jewish friends - and their weddings are fun - but I probably wouldn't marry someone Jewish, especially if there was going to be a lot of "Jesus conflict".

But then again, I think I would be much happier married to someone who didn't go to church and was supportive of my doing so then if I dated much less married a guy who was a Conservative Evangelical. For many reasons.

I have never been to an interfaith wedding, and every church I have been a part of wouldn't do one. But I do think that interfaith marriages can work if there is a lot of honesty and agreement upfront.

Any thoughts (or experiences)?

IceAlisa
07-28-2010, 05:39 PM
I am here to say that I am open to interfaith marriage and that Marc Mezvinsky is cute. :)

jeffisjeff
07-28-2010, 05:47 PM
Does the marriage between a believer and a non-believer count as inter-faith? :shuffle:

michiruwater
07-28-2010, 05:49 PM
I was wondering that myself. I'm a staunch atheist and I think I'd have a really hard time with someone who was firmly the other way unless we didn't have children and didn't talk much about it.

snoopy
07-28-2010, 05:52 PM
I think it can work if both partners are of the liberal persuasion or only moderately religious (and can ignore whatever religious edict there is against interfaith marriages). ITA with the poster who said "Religious intermarriage, or one might say moral intermarriage (marriage to someone who fundamentally does not share one's moral values), can be deeply problematic."

Wyliefan
07-28-2010, 05:53 PM
Does the marriage between a believer and a non-believer count as inter-faith? :shuffle:

I think so.

I wouldn't do it. Aside from believing that we Christians are instructed in the New Testament not to do it, the values and priorities would be too different. Faith is really important to me, and so there would be this whole big part of my life -- actually, the central part of my life -- that my spouse wouldn't be on board with, and I just think it would be really hard. And that's leaving out the whole question of how to raise the kids.

I think I could live with someone who didn't share or understand my love for country music or show tunes or maybe even classic literature (though heaven forbid!). But not with someone who didn't share my faith.

PDilemma
07-28-2010, 05:59 PM
probably someone who was Catholic (although wouldn't I have to convert or he wouldn't be able to take communion for marrying a non-Catholic - is that right?)

No. If the non-Catholic person is a baptized Christian, there is no problem whatsoever with the marriage. It can take place in the church with a full wedding mass. If the non-Catholic person is unbaptized or non-Christian, there has to be a dispensation from the local diocese for a church wedding that allows the Catholic spouse to remain in "full communion" with the church--i.e. receive communion etc...

ETA: I have many Catholic friends married to non-Catholic Christians. And I have one friend engaged to marry an unbaptized non-any religion man. They have quite easily obtained permission to marry in the church. It is generally not difficult at all.

oleada
07-28-2010, 06:00 PM
I'm a non-believer and I don't think I could handle being in a marriage where religion was important to my partner. It was a big sticking point with my ex. He wanted to take any future children to Church every Sunday, and have them go to Catholic school. I grew up Catholic; I was extremely uncomfortable with this.

I plan on having kids, so having similar beliefs (or lack thereof) is important to me.

BlueRidge
07-28-2010, 06:04 PM
I don't see any problem with a relationship with someone who is religious (I'm not), as long as there is a clear understanding and respect for the difference in views.

What I can't imagine is a relationship with someone who doesn't like figure skating. :shuffle:

I'm not actually kidding here. :o

IceAlisa
07-28-2010, 06:04 PM
Speaking of Catholic schools, I would love for my son to attend SI or Saint Ignatius here in San Francisco. One of the best prep schools around. Lots of Jewish kids go there.



What I can't imagine is a relationship with someone who doesn't like figure skating. :shuffle:

I'm not actually kidding here. :o My husband thinks FSU is a blessing because it's a place where I can talk skating ad nauseum and leave him out of it. He still gets his fair share of skating discussion, especially during the season. He is now at the point where he knows all the jumps and MITF, poor thing.

In fact, I got all my in-laws to watch skating and even dragged my SILs to skating events. :saint:

Wyliefan
07-28-2010, 06:14 PM
My husband thinks FSU is a blessing because it's a place where I can talk skating ad nauseum and leave him out of it.

I wonder how many relationships and/or marriages FSU has saved? The place should be considered a public service. :D

IceAlisa
07-28-2010, 06:25 PM
I wonder how many relationships and/or marriages FSU has saved? The place should be considered a public service. :D

:lol:

Veronika
07-28-2010, 08:12 PM
My mom was Catholic and my dad Lutheran, but I was raised Lutheran. I married a lapsed Catholic...and I don't go to church either. We got married at a courthouse. :)

My husband has told me that he would be very upset if I seriously wanted to go back to church...but I don't think that will be a problem.

overedge
07-28-2010, 08:32 PM
WRT what is or isn't permitted, I think a lot depends on how the individual parish, the minister, or the local church hierarchy chooses to interpret the rules.

The organist at the (Protestant) church I used to attend had been baptized in that church, and her family has been attending church there for generations - there are many family members buried in the church graveyard right next door to the church. She married a divorced Catholic man. The local bishop ruled that (let me see if I can remember how this went) since Catholicism doesn't recognize divorces the man was technically still married and so she couldn't have the ceremony in the church and the larger church wouldn't recognize the marriage.

She was devastated, as you can imagine. The compromise she and her fiancee ended up with was to have a civil ceremony with the minister attending and offering a blessing (which he then got in trouble with the bishop for doing). The rest of the congregation was horrified at how she was treated, and at the bishop's interpretation of church law.

PDilemma
07-28-2010, 08:59 PM
WRT what is or isn't permitted, I think a lot depends on how the individual parish, the minister, or the local church hierarchy chooses to interpret the rules.

The organist at the (Protestant) church I used to attend had been baptized in that church, and her family has been attending church there for generations - there are many family members buried in the church graveyard right next door to the church. She married a divorced Catholic man. The local bishop ruled that (let me see if I can remember how this went) since Catholicism doesn't recognize divorces the man was technically still married and so she couldn't have the ceremony in the church and the larger church wouldn't recognize the marriage.


She was devastated, as you can imagine. The compromise she and her fiancee ended up with was to have a civil ceremony with the minister attending and offering a blessing (which he then got in trouble with the bishop for doing). The rest of the congregation was horrified at how she was treated, and at the bishop's interpretation of church law.

The divorce is the issue there. Not her being Lutheran. The guy would have had that issue even if he were marrying a Catholic. And that's not the bishop's interpretation, that is the church law. What the guy has to do is get an annulment. That is easier in some dioceses than others. But I've rarely heard of anyone who files for one not getting it--not never, but rarely. The only problem is that they take a lot of time because there is such a back log of applications and each one has to have a minimum amount of investigation.

And I know a lot about annulments because an engaged woman in my RCIA (Catholic convert class) spent a great deal of time asking detailed questions and taking copious notes on the answers on the night the facilitator covered marriage, divorce and annulments. We found that rather strange and didn't think it boded well for her marriage :rolleyes:

ETA: I've also known people who have married in a civil ceremony, subsequently got an annulment, then had the marriage blessed in the church.