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museksk8r
07-02-2010, 09:32 PM
I have a minor case of obsessive compulsive disorder, particularly about making sure doors are locked, obsessively turning the knobs, and I over-analyze my work taking a long time checking to make sure there are no errors and I care too much about being a perfectionist to the point that I overwork myself. Many times I wish I just didn't care so much about things and I wish I could be more carefree and say to hell with it and just move on. I am always questioning the true intentions of people too. Also, I have a habit of being too nice and have had people take advantage of my sincerity too. I also wish I could be more outgoing and feel I probably come off aloof and cold to people I don't know, which can't be further from the truth. It's just that I can't stand being around people who talk all the time, hogging conversation and constantly interrupting people and not listening to what others have to say and distracting me when I'm busy trying to get work done. I know many people who are like that, and I think as a result, I am quieter and a good listener because I want to be the polar opposite of that type of annoying personality. These people make me want to be alone and they make me hate mankind. I wish I wasn't so body conscious too. It's not that I'm fat now, I'm actually average, but I was overweight as a kid, grades 3 through 6, and I was teased and bullied a lot, and I've never been totally happy and relaxed with my body as a result. I am my biggest critic! Also, I hate that I haven't had sex in 6 years, even though it's totally been my own choice not to have it. I hate talking on the phone and I hate hearing my voice on an answering machine. UGH! :yikes::scream: I am a disturbed individual to say the least. I drive myself crazy! :wall:

cruisin
07-02-2010, 09:40 PM
I have a minor case of obsessive compulsive disorder, particularly about making sure doors are locked, obsessively turning the knobs, and I over-analyze my work taking a long time checking to make sure there are no errors and I care too much about being a perfectionist to the point that I overwork myself. Many times I wish I just didn't care so much about things and I wish I could be more carefree and say to hell with it and just move on. I am always questioning the true intentions of people too. Also, I have a habit of being too nice and have had people take advantage of my sincerity too. I also wish I could be more outgoing and feel I probably come off aloof and cold to people I don't know, which can't be further from the truth. It's just that I can't stand being around people who talk all the time, hogging conversation and constantly interrupting people and not listening to what others have to say and distracting me when I'm busy trying to get work done. I know many people who are like that, and I think as a result, I am quieter and a good listener because I want to be the polar opposite of that type of annoying personality. These people make me want to be alone and they make me hate mankind. I wish I wasn't so body conscious too. It's not that I'm fat now, I'm actually average, but I was overweight as a kid, grades 3 through 6, and I was teased and bullied a lot, and I've never been totally happy and relaxed with my body as a result. I am my biggest critic! Also, I hate that I haven't had sex in 6 years, even though it's totally been my own choice not to have it. I am a disturbed individual to say the least. I drive myself crazy! :wall:

I'm going to say the same thing to you that I said to Frozen_Fire - You are too hard on yourself! I was fat once too, and it hurt, a lot. I was fat from the time I can remember until I was about 19 or 20. Then I lost weight and have struggled with body image and disordered eating ever since. Don't follow my example! Give yourself a break! It's okay to want things to be right. Just try to understand that if you strive for perfect, it is an impossible goal. Go for the best you can do, and feel good about it. When you are in a mood to be critical of yourself, message me - I'll tell you how wonderful you are :)

museksk8r
07-02-2010, 09:52 PM
I'm going to say the same thing to you that I said to Frozen_Fire - You are too hard on yourself! I was fat once too, and it hurt, a lot. I was fat from the time I can remember until I was about 19 or 20. Then I lost weight and have struggled with body image and disordered eating ever since. Don't follow my example! Give yourself a break! It's okay to want things to be right. Just try to understand that if you strive for perfect, it is an impossible goal. Go for the best you can do, and feel good about it. When you are in a mood to be critical of yourself, message me - I'll tell you how wonderful you are :)

Thanks for the kind encouragement. :) I know I have a lot to work on, but this thread has been therapeutic to see that many others struggle with some of the same personality traits that I do. We are not alone, guys. :cool:

Frozen_Fire
07-03-2010, 12:11 AM
Thanks, you guys. :) Yep, I've long come to terms with the fact that I am hard on myself -- been trying to fix that, though it really is easier said than done. One of the things I love about the American culture is that it's generally very accepting of individuals who take non-traditional routes in life and don't always have things figured out. The culture I've been brought up with really emphasizes the "go to school and succeed --> go to college and succeed --> go to graduate school and succeed --> get a job --> get married --> have kids --> grow old --> cycle starts over with the kids" which, while it guarantees a pretty stable life, can be tiresome.

I'm surprised so many people here have "phone phobia". I have trouble talking on the phone to people not from my immediate family as well, and I didn't think that "phobia" was this common.

Simone411
07-03-2010, 03:13 AM
I have a minor case of obsessive compulsive disorder, particularly about making sure doors are locked, obsessively turning the knobs, and I over-analyze my work taking a long time checking to make sure there are no errors and I care too much about being a perfectionist to the point that I overwork myself. Many times I wish I just didn't care so much about things and I wish I could be more carefree and say to hell with it and just move on. I am always questioning the true intentions of people too. Also, I have a habit of being too nice and have had people take advantage of my sincerity too. I also wish I could be more outgoing and feel I probably come off aloof and cold to people I don't know, which can't be further from the truth. It's just that I can't stand being around people who talk all the time, hogging conversation and constantly interrupting people and not listening to what others have to say and distracting me when I'm busy trying to get work done. I know many people who are like that, and I think as a result, I am quieter and a good listener because I want to be the polar opposite of that type of annoying personality. These people make me want to be alone and they make me hate mankind. I wish I wasn't so body conscious too. It's not that I'm fat now, I'm actually average, but I was overweight as a kid, grades 3 through 6, and I was teased and bullied a lot, and I've never been totally happy and relaxed with my body as a result. I am my biggest critic! Also, I hate that I haven't had sex in 6 years, even though it's totally been my own choice not to have it. I hate talking on the phone and I hate hearing my voice on an answering machine. UGH! :yikes::scream: I am a disturbed individual to say the least. I drive myself crazy! :wall:

I guess you could say that I've had more than my share of experiences in my 51 years of life. I know how it feels to be both overweight and thin. It was like no one was satisfied ... not my family nor my friends. I was either told I was getting too thin or gaining too much weight.

I had Graves Disease (hyperthyroidism) when I was 22 years old. When I first got the diesease, I only weighed around 125 pounds. That wasn't a lot for my height which is 5' 6 1/2". My doctor had put me on medication to slow down the thyroxin that was being produced by my thyroid glands. He did it hoping I would go into remission.

It also caused me to gain weight which was one of the side effects. I went from 125 to 172 pounds in that 9 month period. My doctor had told me that I would lose the weight really fast once I was off of the medication.

During that time, my family and friends started crticizing me for gaining all that weight. They were doing this even though they knew it was something I couldn't help. Suggestions were even made that I should push my plate away and not eat everything on it. It got to where I was embarrassed to even eat in front of them.

My doctor was absolutely correct. I lost all the weight in three months time when I was taken off the medication. As a matter of fact, I ended up weighing 120 pounds. Then the comments came about me being too skinny. My family and friends started thinking I had anorexia even though I was eating right in front of them. I never lost my appetite, I loved food but that's what they thought.

I weigh around 127 pounds now and my family nor my friends say those things anymore. But they don't realize the hell they put me through during that time. It's hard when you have sit there and be interrupted or criticized about things you have no control over.

What it did was make me stronger, though. That strength has come in handy quite a bit because I had to grow up fast. I dealt with taking care of my mom during her years of suffering with cancer and then I had to be even stronger when she passed away. I was 28 by then and I had to be strong because my dad and my brother nearly broke down when she died. I had to keep things from falling apart and I somehow managed it.

That's when I learned that life was too short and to appreciate the loved ones that are still around. I also learned how much life can be a battle at times because there are people in this world that are cruel, crazy and sometimes relentless. I'm proud to say that I've won that battle and was able to put that behind me. The point I'm making is that you have to be strong and face those battles no matter whether you win or lose.

musesksk9r, don't be hard on yourself at all because you are a wonderful, loving person that hasn't done anything wrong as far as I can see. The people that have taken advantage of you or have taken things out on you are more than likely facing troubles of their own that they don't know how to handle.

I meant to say that I also beat Graves Disease. I went into remission after those nine months and it never came back. :)

cruisin
07-03-2010, 03:22 AM
Simone411, what a moving post. Thank you for sharing that. You said some things that felt so familiar.

Spinner
07-03-2010, 03:29 AM
Not you, silly! :P

I'm not worried about bothering you. :lol: But how long has it been since YOU dialed my number? Now I know why... ;)

Simone411
07-03-2010, 03:31 AM
Thanks (((cruisin)))). You don't know how much I appreciate that. :)

museksk8r
07-03-2010, 04:01 AM
Thanks, Simone411, that was very sweet of you to say. I can totally relate to you feeling like you couldn't satisfy family and friends with your body image. The largest I have been as an adult is 200 pounds. The smallest I have been as an adult is 135 pounds with 11 percent body fat. I'm a 5'10'' gay male, and overhearing some other gay guys at the bar telling me that I needed to suck my gut in has stayed with me. It converted me back to the overweight kid who was constantly teased and bullied in school. As a prejudiced minority in society, you'd at least hope we would have each others' backs, but that certainly isn't always the case. I try not to let it bother me, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't. I have lost 50 pounds twice, both times in a period of 2 and a half months, jogging 10 miles a day in order to do so, and sticking to salads with low fat dressing, the 6g of fat and less Subway sandwiches, tomato soup, and water with zero snacking and zero junk food. I guess you could say my weight has fluctuated a bit. At my largest, even my dad would tell me that I had gained weight and that I needed to lose it. Ironically enough, he is 230 pounds and 5'9''. At my smallest, my mom would constantly tell me that she was worried that I had an eating disorder and that I was too tiny, even though, like you, I was eating plenty and well within her sight. It's been so frustrating feeling like nothing I do can please them.

Simone411
07-03-2010, 04:15 AM
It's good that you are able to discuss this and I think you are stronger than what you realize. I know it's easier said than done but start thinking about yourself and what pleases you. You deserve that more than anything. Start thinking of yourself as numero uno (number one) because you are. :)

vesperholly
07-03-2010, 06:35 AM
I know EXACTLY how you feel, Simone! I have Graves disease too, and it struck just when I was working really hard on Weight Watchers and had lost almost 80 pounds. I was on meds for 18 months, gained back half the weight. Meds weren't working, so I had a radioactive iodine treatment, which effectively destroyed my thyroid function and my metabolism. I gained the rest of the weight back and then some.

My skin has been really messed up because of all the low thyroid problems (when it was overactive, I had perfect clear skin). Finally when the thyroid meds began to build up, my skin cleared up except for a few really deep scars that are going to take a while. What was the first thing my mom asks me when I had my last appointment (all good news)? "Did you ask your doctor about something for your acne?" :wall:

Japanfan
07-03-2010, 06:38 AM
Thanks, you guys. The culture I've been brought up with really emphasizes the "go to school and succeed --> go to college and succeed --> go to graduate school and succeed --> get a job --> get married --> have kids --> grow old --> cycle starts over with the kids" which, while it guarantees a pretty stable life, can be tiresome.


My family believed in that formula - the well-trodden path- as well, and I'll add two elements to it: buy a starter home by the time you're 30-35 and build job security so you can prepare for retirement. My sister really believes in this progression - that it's the right path and those who don't follow it have messed up in some way. And both of her daughters appear to be doing it and even doing it better than she did in that they have fantastic professional jobs with fantastic salaries and neither is yet 30. However, neither has a house yet because they live in really expensive places (one in London England and the other in Washington D.C.). But I fully expect them to have their own homes in the years to come and for the one not yet married to find a partner and start her family. The other is married and ready to start her family right on schedule at age 29.

Following that progression didn't appeal to me when I was young and didn't work out for me. However, I now see the wisdom of it to a certain extent. Home ownership, which I don't have, is security for old age, and having a pension (mine is going to being insignificant) becomes really important in your 50s. And I also acknowledge the ease accorded by status - my nephew aged 28 has not followed the well-trodden path due to a set of circumstances and is having a really hard time because he isn't settling down into career and family as many of his friends are. He is really insecure and feels that he just doesn't measure up.

But OTOH, one of the things I like about being in my 50s is that it doesn't matter so much anymore what I've 'done' in my career and what I've accumulated in terms of assets. Old age looms closer and many people in their 50s and 60s start having health problems and you see others dying of cancer or debilitated by various conditions. Life gets a little more precious and it becomes important just to enjoy the moment and the day.

One lesson I've learned is that life presents us with individual challenges and lessons to learn. They may not be the lessons and challenges we would have wanted and dealing with them may be really tough. But they are what we were given. If at the end of your life you can say you learned your lessons, I figure you've done well.

made_in_canada
07-03-2010, 07:52 AM
The only thing that I'd really like to change about myself is that I'm a fairly tense person. I think if I could relax easier I'd probably make better choices. It's not that I'm inflexible or not up for adventure or anything like that I just get tense REALLY easy.

cruisin
07-03-2010, 02:42 PM
Several of the last posts have really touched my heart. Not just because I have also struggled with weight and body image, but because of the family and "others" reactions. The criticisms from my mother as an obese child, knowing that I embarrassed her. The cruel comments and actions from peers, teachers, etc. Then, when I lost the weight, the comments that I was too thin. And even more hurtful the anger that some of my "so called friends" felt. It was hard enough to figure out who I was as a "thin person". But dealing with the difference in the way others treated me was devastating. I did wind up with eating disorders, and that has been a life long struggle.

It is interesting to read these posts. We often meet someone who seems so "in control" or aloof and we make assumptions about them. We don't usually consider that it might be shyness or some other reason why they feel they need to keep some distance. Many of us have been hurt as children, young adults and adults. Even though we appear to mange our lives, we often have quiet fears and insecurities. Wouldn't it be nice if we could be accepted for who we are? Regardless of what we look like. Wouldn't it be nice if we could accept ourselves, regardless of our differences?



T I'm a 5'10'' gay male, and overhearing some other gay guys at the bar telling me that I needed to suck my gut in has stayed with me. It converted me back to the overweight kid who was constantly teased and bullied in school. As a prejudiced minority in society, you'd at least hope we would have each others' backs, but that certainly isn't always the case.

I wanted to address this post specifically. Museksk8r, I fully understand your feelings with regard to weight comments. And I understand that it is doubly hard as you also have to deal with other bigotry as well. Unfortunately, though, even within groups there is a hierarchy. There will be those who feel better about themselves by picking on someone who they perceive to have a flaw. And, let's face it, weight is still acceptable for bigotry. In most civilized situations people would be horrified to hear racial, ethnic, partner choice slurs (whether or not they think them), it is not "PC". But it is still okay to comment on weight. It is still okay to be punitive for weight. and people make excuses for their bad behavior by saying it's a health issue :rolleyes:. It's cruel, plain and simple.

What you need to do is realize that you cannot make cruel people kind. And that the opinions of that sort of person are ignorant and irrelevant. You are the better person. Do not try to constantly re-make yourself to satisfy other's perception of what you should look like. I've spent my life doing that, it's not worth it. Look in the mirror and see the wonderful person looking back. Accept yourself, like yourself. If you feel better at a lower weight, try to get a bit more exercise and eat a bit more healthily. But not to extreme. Something maintainable, more of a life style change. You don't have to run 10 miles a day, walk 2. Even if it's just for your heart. But stop seeing yourself through the eyes of those who don't matter. See yourself through your own eyes and give yourself the love and respect you deserve.

MOIJTO
07-03-2010, 02:45 PM
The only thing that I'd really like to change about myself is that I'm a fairly tense person. I think if I could relax easier I'd probably make better choices. It's not that I'm inflexible or not up for adventure or anything like that I just get tense REALLY easy.

Have you tried meditation or any relaxation techniques? Believe it or not if you can try acupuncture. My daughter went for treatment for about 2 years for TMJ and for nervousness, I didn't want her on medication therapy. It helped along with some counseling.