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BigB08822
07-01-2010, 04:58 AM
I'm the laziest person I know. I contradict myself all the time. I can spend hours doing things I don't need to do (something online, watching TV, movie, etc) but I can't make myself sit down for 10 minutes to write an email that is for work/school or do the last bit of homework I have. I guess I hate my lack of motivation and drive, I just don't have very much of it and when I get some it is just a spurt and is quickly lost. No wonder I am nearly 28 and still trying to finish school!

P.S. Just throwing in my 2 cents about tardiness. I HATE it! It is one of the rudest things someone can do, IMO. I have a friend who is chronically late to everything, sometimes 30 minutes or more. It says to me that my time isn't important and that only his is. I simply can not stand it. I think being too early can cause problems as well, as mentioned above, but that tends to be something you can avoid (sit in the car for a bit if you are that early, ride around the block a time or two, etc.). When someone is late with me (more than 5-10 minutes), I take it personally.

Japanfan
07-01-2010, 06:43 AM
For me, well there are so many things...I think the main one is my overanalyzing and stressing about how I'm being perceived to the point where I'm almost totally mute around strangers for a while. Or I force myself to make conversation but it often comes out totally dumb-sounding and I make an even worse impression than if I'd said nothing. I feel like I'm blowing opportunities left and right because I just cannot be myself until I get to know someone (which is just more time than most are willing to take) and even then I have trouble sometimes. Of course alcohol helps a whole lot but sometimes I wish I could be the way I am with 2-3 drinks in me all the time without having to drink at all. Some people are just so confident and out there right away and of course to some degree, I like not being annoying and obnoxious but other times its just massively frustrating to be so inside my own head. :wall: Anyone else?

It's not productive to over-think how others are perceiving you and worry about how to behave and what to say. However, people you meet and often do judge you/form opinions of you. Insecurity is to a certain degree self-protection and you needn't hate yourself for it. Rather, turn it around and consider what you are looking for in a friend. And rather than beating yourself up for 'blowing' opportunities, consider that you are discriminating about your friends - and remember that others are also nervous and awkward in social situations.

It makes perfect sense to get to know someone before you decide how much you trust them in terms of being yourself.

A lot of social life is about filling space with people and activity - this is far more true for extroverts than introverts. Those confident people you refer to may not care about the quality of relationships they form.

I don't have much desire for empty spaces full of people who have no particular value or meaning to me - I enjoy my own company just fine, thank you very much. Superficial chit chat bores me and I have no desire to engage in the mind games that some people substitute for a real connection. For example, a cousin of mine who has always given me the willies once commented that 'what people don't say is more important than what they do say'. This explained in a nutshell why I was so uncomfortable with this person all the time - to her, relating was all about posturing and guessing what the other person meant to say. I just never trusted her or felt 'safe' with her.

If you want be be yourself with others who are also being themselves and desire the relationship to be of mutual value, take your time. Trust is earned, not given, and if you are seeking genuine connections, you are not going to find them with everyone you meet.

I like what a friend of my says: "A friend is someone with whom you feel good about yourself". That's a good place to start.

One of things I like about getting older is that I no longer care so much about how I appear to others and have come to enjoy my own company. Having a dog helps tremendously should loneliness arise - at times I must admit that I find dogs socially more appealing than people because they live in the moment and are completely sincere in their expression of who they are. Relationships with dogs and with people I trust and enjoy being with have provided me a barometer for what feel goods socially and what I want in a companion. And I don't think that measure would ever be compatible with what a person needs to do in order to win a popularity contest.

made_in_canada
07-01-2010, 07:40 AM
I'm wondering if lateness isn't like other problems people have they can't easily change? Like phobias, or OCD issues? Maybe we actually should be more tolerant of the chronically late?

I can completely see this logic but it drives me absolutely bonkers when late people don't even acknowledge that they're inconveniencing other people. That's just rude IMO. I have a few OCD issues, nothing severe but definitely noticeable to my co-workers and friends. I can recognize that not everyone is like me, and that what I do can be perceived as odd and apologize for it when other people notice. My boss on the other hand is chronically late and she doesn't really care if it means that I'm two hours late to have lunch. She also sometimes expects me to be okay with being late for other things when she's made me late. That is not okay with me. I've accepted that it's just how she is and now plan around her being an hour or two late just so I don't lose it completely.

LordCirque
07-01-2010, 09:12 AM
1. That I give up so easily, even if I've worked so hard at something to achieve it or at least have given it my all, I eventually give up.

2. That I let peoples negative comments effect me to the point where it plays a huge factor in number 1.

3. That things in general, bother me more than they do the average person, and have so much more of a difficult time letting go of fears, paranoia, and insecurities than most people.

4. Being about 10-20 lbs over weight and having the exact opposite of the body type I want to have for everything I've wanted to accomplish my lifes dreams.

5. That I need significant amounts of therapy, we're probably talking in the double digits of years, multiple visits a week.

6. That I constantly compare myself to everyone around me in almost every situation and context I am in, be it dance class, culinary school, work, the mall, nightclub etc...

7. That the very things that made me fall in love with my boyfriend are now starting to annoy me at times.

8. That I have such a hard time being happy in life.

9. That I was further along toward the goals I wanted to accomplish and in a better position in my life at 21 than I am at almost 27. :wall: x infinity

10. That I get so emotionally wrapped up in everything I do.

11. That I STILL want to make an attempt at taking Calculus and Physics, even though I have no use for them and will never need them, it's an old demon that's haunted me from high school I've never gotten over.

briancoogaert
07-01-2010, 09:49 AM
I try to live with my qualities and my flaws. :P

gkelly
07-01-2010, 02:54 PM
I save up my bills to pay all at once, once or twice a month, and then it becomes a big project that I keep procrastinating.

Wyliefan
07-01-2010, 02:56 PM
I hate that I'm a total drama queen about little things. I try hard to keep it inside and not annoy everyone around me with it, but the :drama: is still there and I can't stop stewing over it, however hard I try.

I also hate that I am apparently incapable of deleting e-mail. In my inbox at this moment, there are 2016 messages. I am not making this up.

cruisin
07-01-2010, 03:00 PM
I think there's a differentiation between "things you hate about yourself" and "things about yourself you would like to change". "Hating myself" is something I outgrew in junior high, thankfully! ;)


Very wise words! :)


I can't seem to fight the terrible habit of being late to everything. I think it mostly stems from the optimistic belief that I don't really take as long to get ready as I think I do, or that things don't take as long as I think they do.

I do that too. I am chronically 10-15 minutes late. Sometimes it's for the reasons you suggest. But, even on days where I vow to be early, leave 30 minutes earlier than I need to, something will happen to make me 10-15 minutes late. Like an unexpected detour, a school bus broke down, I'll realize that my car is running on fumes and I need gas. I know that this is disrespectful of other's time, and I feel awful when it happens. I just can't seem to get the time planning right. I have actually, on occasion left myself so much time that I arrive an hour early, when the fates are on my side :lol:. When that happens, and I'm meeting someone who knows me well, they almost faint from the shock!:lol:



ETA: Oh, and I forgot to add, my forgetfulness. :D Seriously, it's getting really bad. I used to be bad with names and faces -- now I'm bad with names, faces, and all kinds of other details. I'm starting to embarrass myself on a regular basis. :(

I am horrible with remembering names. I read, once, that the reason we forget names is because we are not paying close enough attention when we are introduced. So, I took that to heart and decided that I would carry around a small notebook and write down the person's name. I would print it and cursive write it and say it several times in my head. then I would write down some sort of memory trigger for the name. I still cannot remember names. But, I do have my little notebook for reference :D.

I am not particularly shy, but I am somewhat insecure. I feel very uncomfortable in social situations when no one is talking. I always feel like I have to say something to end the awkward silence. Consequently, I frequently talk too much. I do talk to everyone - I say hello to strangers I pass. The one thing about my insecurity that I would like to change is that I always feel like I am not being understood. I tend to repeat myself and rephrase a lot. I know you are all shocked by that. :lol: It can come off as being insistent, but it's more that I'm not sure I'm being clear.

El Rey
07-01-2010, 03:05 PM
I also hate that I am apparently incapable of deleting e-mail. In my inbox at this moment, there are 2016 messages. I am not making this up.

:lol: I do that too. I have emails that go back to 1998. 372 pages of emails on my account! They've served me well on calling people out on their lies!!!

Aimless
07-01-2010, 03:08 PM
I also hate that I am apparently incapable of deleting e-mail. In my inbox at this moment, there are 2016 messages. I am not making this up.

How about 7916? and I'm not even freaked out about it. It's nice to have an archive. Although one time I did question someone about his response to an emailed housing form and it turned out I was looking at his response from the previous year...

cruisin
07-01-2010, 03:11 PM
I'm the opposite, I hate emails building up. I delete them as soon as I read them, unless it's something I need to save. I've deleted a few I shouldn't have :shuffle:.

Wyliefan
07-01-2010, 03:23 PM
How about 7916? and I'm not even freaked out about it.

Suddenly I feel better! :lol:

And yes, I admit, it is nice to have an archive.

BlueRidge
07-01-2010, 03:45 PM
How about 7916? and I'm not even freaked out about it.

9658 beat ya! :D

Cheylana
07-01-2010, 04:08 PM
Hey, an inbox full of old e-mails can be really helpful. I go back to e-mails from 1999 all the time to remember what I was doing! :)

I'm overly sensitive in the dating area. I mope over rejection from guys long after they've totally forgotten I ever existed!

I'm waaaaaay too bitter for my own good about my 35-and-still-single status.

I'm horribly jealous of my older sister, who was always the Beautiful One (I have verifiable evidence: guys approached me in junior high to tell me how beautiful my sister was), and who married a Beautiful Man and had three Beautiful Children.

Hmm, seems to be a running theme here :lol:

RFOS
07-01-2010, 04:09 PM
9658 beat ya! :D

11,558. :shuffle:

Adding in my work and school accounts I have 20,960 (and I do delete spam and have had to delete a lot of stuff because I was getting to the mailbox size limits. I'm sure I'll be getting those warning emails again soon, and they always are really annoying :P).