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Norlite
06-12-2010, 12:35 PM
Well, just because a couple stays married doesn't necessarily mean that they truly respect the institution or at least commitment either.



I agree. The actions of some couples who are married, (infidelity, or any type of physical or emotional abuse) who continue to stay together aren't showing respect for the institution either.

If you respected the actual state of being married, these people would get out of it, instead of making it a farce.

Anita18
06-12-2010, 09:36 PM
A lot of people think that, but I think that oversimplifies the whole issue of living together, married or not. You don't learn to live together once and that's it; people change, relationships shift, and most romantic relationships end. Even the ones that don't tend to ebb and flow over years. People are complex; there's a lot more to work out than just logistics, which is really the easiest part of it all.

I think the whole idea of living together as a trial run for marriage is bizarre myself, but I think that's just me.
I think it would depend on the people involved. But it's easy to figure out if like, someone has very very compulsive behaviors regarding their living space that would be a dealbreaker for his/her partner. Much easier to discover that before getting married than after. :lol:

But that's just the obvious example. People are complicated and most definitely change. I don't think divorce in itself is bad - of course it complicates things when a child is involved and the couple hates each other's guts, but when people are civil during the whole proceeding, I don't think it's a bad thing at all. Wallowing in unhappiness no matter what your relationship status is a bad thing.

agalisgv
06-12-2010, 09:45 PM
I think it would depend on the people involved. But it's easy to figure out if like, someone has very very compulsive behaviors regarding their living space that would be a dealbreaker for his/her partner. Much easier to discover that before getting married than after. :lol: I would think things like compulsive behavior would be fairly evident during dating. Compulsive behavior isn't easy to disguise if someone is truly compulsive.
Also if someone isn't ready to commit in the first place, what's to say they will later, it's probably less likely they ever will. Prancer can correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't there a study that indicated those that date for longer than two years prior to marriage are more likely to divorce than others?

Lanie
06-12-2010, 10:13 PM
I never heard about that one, agalisgv! Very interesting. My husband and I did not live together until we were married. I was surprised at what an easy, natural transition it was. It just seemed to totally normal, not weird or new at all. I thought (and was told) how strange it was going to be, especially by others who recommended we live together beforehand.

Anita18
06-12-2010, 10:29 PM
I would think things like compulsive behavior would be fairly evident during dating. Compulsive behavior isn't easy to disguise if someone is truly compulsive.
I think that would also depend on how intimate you are in each other's lives while dating. ;) I've known some people who seem pretty normal when you're friends with them, but their roommates could share some downright weird stories about having to live with them! :lol:

But what can be a dealbreaker for one person may not be for another. Like, the classmate I had who had weird nail-clipping rituals and was territorial about his bed might be alright with the right person, but the OCD guy who's driven away all the housemates who have lived with him (including yours truly)? Probably not. :rofl:

It really depends on the couple.

Prancer
06-12-2010, 10:44 PM
I would think things like compulsive behavior would be fairly evident during dating. Compulsive behavior isn't easy to disguise if someone is truly compulsive.

Yes, I wouldn't think something like that would be an issue.


Prancer can correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't there a study that indicated those that date for longer than two years prior to marriage are more likely to divorce than others?

Huston has spent 15 years studying the relationship between courtship length and marital success and has found that the closer a couple’s courtship is to average length (two years, four months), the more successful the union.

“It turns out that one of the main reasons for a long courtship is a deep ambivalence about marriage itself or about the person they’re marrying,” says Huston.

http://www.secretdivorce.com/successful-divorce-planning-for-men/64/


I never heard about that one, agalisgv! Very interesting. My husband and I did not live together until we were married. I was surprised at what an easy, natural transition it was. It just seemed to totally normal, not weird or new at all. I thought (and was told) how strange it was going to be, especially by others who recommended we live together beforehand.

I wouldn't think it's any stranger to move in with someone and live with them after you're married than it would be before.

Lanie
06-12-2010, 10:54 PM
I wouldn't think it's any stranger to move in with someone and live with them after you're married than it would be before.

Yeah, people told me it was weird no matter what. Like, that it was weird coming back from the honeymoon to be together even if they'd lived together. I didn't get that at all. Perhaps because marriage would bring tea different dynamic into a relationship? That's what my stepmom said once she and my dad got married. It was just different for her for some reason once they were married.

For me I was just surprised that it was normal after living with my parents and in college dorms for so long. :)

Prancer
06-12-2010, 11:03 PM
Yeah, people told me it was weird no matter what. Like, that it was weird coming back from the honeymoon to be together even if they'd lived together. I didn't get that at all. Perhaps because marriage would bring tea different dynamic into a relationship? That's what my stepmom said once she and my dad got married. It was just different for her for some reason once they were married.

I think it just feels different psychologically for some. Others just seem to go on like before.

And in reference to earlier discussion about why couples who live together before marriage are more likely to divorce, here is a list of theories:

http://marriage.about.com/cs/cohabitation/a/livingtogether.htm

And there is also one recent study that indicates that the risk was either overstated or has changed: http://breakingnews.gaeatimes.com/2010/03/04/living-together-before-marriage-doesnt-increase-divorce-risk-study-13782/

MOIJTO
06-12-2010, 11:13 PM
People get divorced for a whole host of reasons, sometimes when the lust and bloom of new wares off people discover they really don't like each other. Good in bed is one thing, good in life/marriage is another!

MacMadame
06-13-2010, 04:58 AM
Well, statistically, it IS the case that couples who live together before marriage are more likely to divorce than couples who do not, even allowing for religious differences.
According to some studies. I've read at least one where the difference wasn't statistically significant. (But I can't find it now to link to it.)

I think the whole idea of living together as a trial run for marriage is bizarre myself, but I think that's just me.
I didn't think of it as a "trial run" but as a natural progression in the relationship.


I think it just feels different psychologically for some. Others just seem to go on like before.
I was quite surprised that being married was different from living together. I concluded it was because people treated us differently afterward.

Prancer
06-13-2010, 05:49 AM
According to some studies. I've read at least one where the difference wasn't statistically significant. (But I can't find it now to link to it.)

The only one I know of I linked above, and the conclusion there was:

Statistician Bill Mosher, the report’s co-author, insisted differences between pre-marital cohabitors and only-after-marriage couples “are there, but they are not huge”.

So we're still talking statistically significant differences, just not as great as differences found in other studies. That study does stand alone, AFAIK, but it is more recent than others.


I didn't think of it as a "trial run" but as a natural progression in the relationship.

There's that, too, but I more often hear people talk about using living together as some sort of test, so that if it doesn't work out, you find out before you actually get married.

Shine_like_stars
06-14-2010, 01:58 AM
:watch:

Just because this thread has entertained me so much, I can't help but throwing in some gossip in myself. :lol: :saint:




Marina Klimova and Sergei Ponomorenko
Natalia Linishuk and Gennady Karponosov

But don't forget Marina had an affair with Vladimir Kotin so I am not sure how intact that marriage still is. ;) And I am pretty sure I heard something about Linishuk stepping out as well.

judgejudy27
06-14-2010, 07:40 PM
I cant say I really blame them. I cant stand either of their personalities through a TV screen. Imagine putting up with it in real time 24/7 for years as both had to do.

kosjenka
06-14-2010, 11:14 PM
I never liked their skating, but they were a sweet couple. Loved the way they looked at each other back in 2001.
I truly hope they manage to stay in a good relationship so that their son can have a happier upbringing.

Murdoch
06-15-2010, 12:49 AM
So, hadn't heard much gossip around this lately and then I was driving home from work today. One Edmonton radio station reported the following:

Craig Simpson and Jamie Sale had an affair during Battle of the Blades.
Craig Simpson's wife has left him.
Jamie is pregnant.

I almost drove off the freaking road...
:angryfire :watch: