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mmscfdcsu
06-06-2010, 10:54 PM
And for those who seem to be advocating staying together for the sake of the child - It's much healthier for the child if they're not witnessing Mummy and Daddy being put out with each other all the time.


If only it was that easy. Each situation is different. Much depends on the resilience of the child and the ability of the parents to function like adults. We also know that there are certain stages in a child's development that are much more likely to create problems if separation and divorce occur during them. As a social worker/therapist I see it all.

http://www.ces.ncsu.edu/depts/fcs/pdfs/fcs482.pdf

The Observer
06-06-2010, 11:13 PM
I don't get why S&P decided to have a child amongst all of this breaking up and getting back together and apparent cheating on each other.

They should have just gone their separate ways without bringing a child into it. Because we live in the media age, the child will probably have to hear a lot of gossip about his parents as he grows up.

Wyliefan
06-06-2010, 11:31 PM
Umm...dare I say this, but- from my (male) perspective- I'd say David is the one that could do better in this situation :D :shuffle:

Oh yeah, Mr. Can't-Keep-It-Zipped is worthy of a princess, no doubt. :rolleyes:

DickButtonFan
06-06-2010, 11:36 PM
If only it was that easy. Each situation is different. Much depends on the resilience of the child and the ability of the parents to function like adults. We also know that there are certain stages in a child's development that are much more likely to create problems if separation and divorce occur during them. As a social worker/therapist I see it all.

http://www.ces.ncsu.edu/depts/fcs/pdfs/fcs482.pdf

I agree divorce is not that easy like some claim. It's not really any easier being a kid in a divorce than if your parents are together but arguing. I think it's harder having your parents divorced. You can't see your mom and dad as much as you should. As a child who has gone thru my parents divorce it was horrible and now even in adulthood it still affects my life and always will. It's not fun having to decide what parent I want to spend time with for holidays and you really feel cheated out on memories you could of had. I find divorce to be selfish. It's better for the kid to work out your problems no matter what.

DickButtonFan
06-06-2010, 11:40 PM
If only it was that easy. Each situation is different. Much depends on the resilience of the child and the ability of the parents to function like adults. We also know that there are certain stages in a child's development that are much more likely to create problems if separation and divorce occur during them. As a social worker/therapist I see it all.

http://www.ces.ncsu.edu/depts/fcs/pdfs/fcs482.pdf

And that link really points out on what most never talk about and that's the loss of finances you had before and friends. Also having to pack your bags every other week for visitation wasn't fun either. You have no choice in it all whether you want to leave your home constantly. Of course every situation is different.

Pratfall
06-06-2010, 11:52 PM
:) yes, mmsc-... I should have qualified that by saying in some cases. However, I personally know couples who while divorced ,are dedicated to raising their children without disparaging the other parent ,being equally involved in the child's life ( some managing whole family outings and even camping trips,etc.) and generally, determined to do the best job they possibly can. It's rather silly for us to assume the worst at this stage of the game and at a far remove.

The Observer
06-06-2010, 11:54 PM
Oh yeah, Mr. Can't-Keep-It-Zipped is worthy of a princess, no doubt. :rolleyes:

Is David really that big of a cheater? Some people here make it sound like he is Tiger Woods. Do we know for a fact that he can't keep it zipped, or is this just something that's happened a couple times?

Aussie Willy
06-06-2010, 11:56 PM
So if David is the Canadian Morozov...does that make Tessa the Canadian Pasha????

She would have to die her hair blonde.

michiruwater
06-06-2010, 11:58 PM
I agree divorce is not that easy like some claim. It's not really any easier being a kid in a divorce than if your parents are together but arguing. I think it's harder having your parents divorced. You can't see your mom and dad as much as you should. As a child who has gone thru my parents divorce it was horrible and now even in adulthood it still affects my life and always will. It's not fun having to decide what parent I want to spend time with for holidays and you really feel cheated out on memories you could of had. I find divorce to be selfish. It's better for the kid to work out your problems no matter what.

No matter what?

My mother was a selfish, alcoholic serial cheater who drove my dad into such sheer heartbreak and depression that one day he just up and forgot the past five years of his life and came down the stairs two years after the divorce to ask me why I looked so old and where my mother was. I was 13. It took him several hours to revert back from his momentary amnesia, and he was never the same after. And yet my mother will insist that the problems with the relationship and the subsequent divorce were entirely his fault.

She was crazy. And the number of angry, violent fights I witnessed in the years leading up to the divorce grew in number and craziness throughout. I wish, I wish so dearly, that they had divorced years earlier, at the first sign of trouble, and that he hadn't tried so desperately to do anything in his power to keep her in his life because he was so completely in love with her. But that didn't happen, and I got to witness all the terribleness that came with them trying to "work it out no matter what."

And yeah, the years following of trying to decide where to go for the holidays and switching between houses and schedules and rules every Sunday and eventually having to decide to stay the hell away from my batshit crazy mother as often as possible weren't fun, either. But I knew then, at age 11, and I know now that it was a much, much better choice. There are no easy answers in this, and nothing about this sort of situation is black and white no matter how many people may try to claim otherwise.

Ziggy
06-07-2010, 12:03 AM
So I'm the only one envious of Tessa? :-)

Of course I'm envious of her having a bite of that beefy hunk. :swoon:

euterpe
06-07-2010, 12:08 AM
Obviously, if one of the spouses is an alcoholic, divorce would be FAR better for the child than the parents sticking it out together. Children of an alcoholic parent carry emotional baggage throughout their lives.

That wouldn't seem to be the case for S/P's child. In any case, the child is too young to know the difference between a home with two parents vs a home with one. But with both parents traveling all the time to skate, the child won't exactly have a "normal" home life anyway....

Prancer
06-07-2010, 12:12 AM
And for those who seem to be advocating staying together for the sake of the child - It's much healthier for the child if they're not witnessing Mummy and Daddy being put out with each other ( or worse ) all the time.

Maybe; maybe not. Much depends on whether the child DOES see the parents being put out with each other all the time.

Going by many of the reactions in this thread, you'd think that there were two kinds of marriages--happy ones and ones where people fight all the time while their children are torn apart by the anger. But there's an awful lot of ground in between; I believe there are studies that indicate that most marriages that end in divorce (roughly two thirds) are actually low-conflict marriages in which one or both parties were more dissatisfied than angry. And in those instances, divorce is indeed very hard on the child, and it is not necessarily better for the kids if the parents divorce.

http://www.utexas.edu/features/2006/divorce/index.html

If the parents are hostile to one another, then yes, it's healthier for the children if the marriage ends--IF that puts an end to parental conflict. If it continues, there isn't much difference except that exposure level is usually lower. But children of low-conflict divorces actually appear to have more longterm problems than do children from low-conflict homes where the parents stay together in spite of not being happy. This is well documented if you care to look it all up.

I have no idea what level of conflict Jamie and David experience and my point really isn't about them, but is more about this rather glib "It's better for the kids if the parents divorce," because there's quite a bit of evidence that this isn't necessarily so.

Pratfall
06-07-2010, 12:17 AM
Michi - Brave of you to post that.

I was going to say, for every son or daughter who regrets their parent divorce, there's probably another who thinks it was the best thing that could have happened . And how sad for the ones who have to say, "You stayed through that misery for my sake ?",and sad for the parents who caused such guilt ...

Prancer..yours is the point I was originally trying to make.I was reacting to the instantaneous, Poor little boy ! why can't hey try to make it work for his sake ?' We have no idea what their situation is. It's not necessarily a disaster for the little boy , and it's not necessarily a piece of cake either. Maybe this is their best attempt at making something work. Obviously when even J & D's careers center around their partnership/relationship this isn't a moment's whim. Good luck to them ( sincerely ), I hope they can make it work.

Wyliefan
06-07-2010, 12:26 AM
Good points, Prancer. There's a lot more nuance to these situations than we realize sometimes.

MacMadame
06-07-2010, 12:27 AM
Actually, I believe what was reported on FSU earlier this year was that they were separated, not divorced, and that we wouldn't hear about it for a while.

There are other places where skating rumors exist besides FSU. ;)