Question regarding grandkids

[skatemommy]

Just a thought . . . . has menopause hit big time perhaps?

I second that emotion...

that said, it sounds like boundaries are an issue in this family and a new baby has manifested that fact. Dr. Henry Cloud has a great book on that subject.

[numbers123]

I suspect that there are a lot of things happening here. Menopause might be one of them.

As a new grandma myself, it is really, really hard not to overspend or overdo. Grandparents are excited about the new baby. But grandparents also have to remember that the baby is not yours, but is your child's baby.

I have had to step back and not overpower the new parents. even tonight (we were all together), I realize that I am trying to parent. This makes the parents feel like I don't think they are doing a good job.

So I would guess, the son-in-law is helping his wife take a stand by saying enough. His wife might not be able to stand up to mom.

Unfortunately, your sister doesn't realize that she will be pushing them away by trying to control the situation. I am not sure that she will be able to see that.

[skateboy]

Thank you so much everyone, for your insights. You all came up with some very important truths, and I appreciate it.

Daughter (my niece) won't stand up to mom (my sister), and in fact, the whole family kind of tiptoes around her, as she's a strong personality and very opinionated. I do know that my niece has been miserable over this whole thing, which is rough. But I'll keep my eye on the situation and if things don't improve (or get worse), I've decided that I'm talking to my sister because I think someone has to. (Wish me luck...)

[Aussie Willy]

Oh this is a tough one.

For new parents having a baby is stressful enough. There needs to be consideration given to how much space they need to adjust and when is the right time for people to be calling in, visiting and helping out. Something my family actually has been considerate of when either of my sisters have had their kids. My mum is pretty good in that regard. However my youngest sister's mother in law is another case.

I definately think your sister has got the whole thing out of perspective and there is a real lack of balance. A new baby is exciting, but when it comes to point of obsession, that really isn't right. And if it is stressing out her daughter that is not good.

I think you are doing the right thing by trying to talk to your sister. I wish you luck. You are a good uncle.

[skateboy]

Thank you.

[heckles]

the whole family kind of tiptoes around her, as she's a strong personality and very opinionated.

I think that's part of why she's been getting away with her behavior. The family has been describing her lack of respect for boundaries as a "strong personality" and her lack of consideration for others' feelings as being "very opinionated". If you're having to tiptoe around her, the issue isn't a "strong" woman.

[barbk]

Can you talk with her husband? Can he talk with her doctor? This sounds like it has gone beyond grandbaby lust and right over the edge.

I'm sorry for the baby and the mom. And you.