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Civic
04-29-2010, 07:55 PM
How do people feel about referencing a "wedding website" in an invitation? I've seen it done and the website will have a variety of pictures and background info, give details about the wedding, including convenient travel information for any out of town guests, and will sometimes have a registry link discretely on some "other info" page.

ETA: Genevieve touched on the topic of "wedding home pages" while I was typing this. :lol:

As long as the couple is CERTAIN everyone on their invite list is computer literate and has access to one. I can see how it would save on postage. However, I don't know what the etiquette mavens have to say about them.

Squibble
04-29-2010, 08:04 PM
Do we bring a gift or card or cash to the island? When we go to the reception back home (The reception will have 150 people, the wedding will only have 30), are we also required to purchase a gift? I am assuming yes to all of the above, however it does seem like a lot of $$ to see our friends get married. All I asked of our friends was a toaster, coffee maker, towels etc....

First off, never, ever bring a wedding present to a wedding or, for that matter, a separate reception unless it is at the couple's home. Doing so only creates a headache for the maid of honor, best man, bride's mother, etc. If you buy something off a registry, there's usually an address for shipping the items. Or you could mail it to them yourself or give it to them on a separate occasion if that's convenient.

In this case, if you bring a prsent to the island, the couple would have to schlep it back home. You didn't say what island you're going to, but if it's in another country, there might be customs issues, even for a gift of cash. (And there are some customs considerations even when going from the U.S. Virgin Islands or Puerto Rico to the U.S. mainland.)

You are not required or expected to give separate presents for both the ceremony and the reception. However, if you take any good photos at either one, copies would make a lovely second present. Or you could increase your budget for the one gift you do give.

I don't think the fact that it's a "destination" wedding and that you're spending $3,100 to get there should make much of a difference in what you choose to give them. If you'd give your friends towels if their wedding were where you live, then you should give them towels under the present circumstances.

Wyliefan
04-29-2010, 08:08 PM
It's not the registry itself that is considered tacky, it's putting it on the invitation. Traditionally, registry info is supposed to come from some source other than the actual couple.

That's what I don't get -- from whom is it supposed to come? Is the couple supposed to appoint an Official Registry Person? I'm not being snarky, honest. :) I'm genuinely curious. This is one thing about wedding etiquette that I've never understood. Also, considering some of the massive rudeness and tackiness that seems to be part of a lot of weddings, registry info seems like such a tiny thing.

Civic
04-29-2010, 08:14 PM
That's what I don't get -- from whom is it supposed to come? Is the couple supposed to appoint an Official Registry Person? I'm not being snarky, honest. :) I'm genuinely curious. This is one thing about wedding etiquette that I've never understood. Also, considering some of the massive rudeness and tackiness that seems to be part of a lot of weddings, registry info seems like such a tiny thing.

The parents or guardians of the happy couple. Or their siblings or best friends. In other words, people who are close enough to the couple to know this stuff. You get an invitation from your friend's daughter to her wedding. The next time you run into your friend at the supermarket you ask if and where the couple is registered. If they aren't, ask your friend what would they like or need present-wise.

PDilemma
04-29-2010, 08:17 PM
Wedding gift etiquette from Emily Post:

http://ww12.1800flowers.com/template.do?id=template8&page=4016&conversionTag=true

I would not take a gift to a destination wedding. However, I have never heard of it being bad manners to take a gift to a wedding. I suspected this was a regional issue and, lo and behold, the link acknowledges that taking the gift to the wedding is done in some areas and cultures.

I have never been to a wedding that did not have a designated area for gifts and cards to be left, often including people who take and arrange them as guests arrive. This was done at my wedding--the helpers were my 14 year old nephew and a cousin the same age who were happy to be included--and my in-laws picked them up in the morning and took them to our house. Only people who did not attend the wedding had gifts sent elsewhere--some on my husband's side to his parents' house, on my side to my parents and a few friends to our house via the registry arrangements.

Some guests did not even give us a card and I found that a bit rude. Not because I want presents, more or less because it seems polite to at least get a card. A former professor of mine came and only left a card, no gift or money. I was incredibly happy to have a note of good wishes from him. But one guest who did not even spend a couple of bucks on a card was my maid of honor.

numbers123
04-29-2010, 08:33 PM
My niece had a wedding on a cruise ship. I went and had a great time. They are both very well off and I gave them a card.

I went to Las Vegas for another niece's wedding, besides my parents and my sister/bil, I was the only family member present. The groom's family - no one there. It had been planned for 12 months, plenty of time to plan to go. They were happy to have me there and did not expect a gift.

Now there were people who couldn't believe that I would go on the cruise wedding trip for a niece who is a step niece. To me no difference. Somehow the Las Vegas wedding made more sense to them, because she is my "full niece. :rolleyes:

BigB08822
04-29-2010, 08:42 PM
I have a wedding etiquette question as well. A friend of ours is getting married and they are having multiple parties. They had an announcement party, she is having a bridal party, he is having a honey-do party and then of course the wedding/reception. The bridal and honey-do showers are both for couples so they will include males and females. There is another announcement party still to come that his family is throwing and they are making it FORMAL! :rolleyes: Anyway, my boyfriend is in her wedding party (Man of Honor) and he is concerned about $$. He is having to throw her bridal party along with the others in the wedding. Now he feels he has to bring a gift to that as well as to the Honey-do and then to the wedding. I say NO. I say you should only bring 1 gift. You don't get to have 100 parties to receive 100 gifts from everyone. Not to mention all the money he is coming out of pocket for to buy the tux for the wedding and then throw her bridal party. What is proper etiquette in this situation? As for me, I am refusing to go to the Formal announcement party because I do not own a suit or anything. My bf is a little upset but understands. I hope that doesn't cause problems.

Wyliefan
04-29-2010, 08:46 PM
I've never even heard of a Honey-do party. I am so behind the times.

BigB08822
04-29-2010, 08:50 PM
I've never even heard of a Honey-do party. I am so behind the times.

It is a party for the groom and they usually register at Lowes, Home Depot, etc. The point is to receive a bunch of gifts for the man to use around the house. Lawn mowers, weed eaters, tools, etc. Basically, as a gay man, stuff I know nothing about! :lol:

I am happy for them but honestly, it is their responsibility to begin their life together by getting a house and the things they need for that house. I don't think it is fair or right to throw as many parties as possible so all their friends and family can hand them the things they could easily save for or wait to get. It just seems all a bit too much and greedy.

Lorac
04-29-2010, 08:53 PM
I've never even heard of a Honey-do party. I am so behind the times.


LOL - I thought I was the only one who had never heard of this - can someone please explain them - thanks!!!

As to gifts - one is totally acceptable - and should either be sent to the home or the local reception (I'm from the UK and every wedding I have ever been to we take gifts to the wedding proper - only people who were not attending but wanted to send a gift sent it to the home either the bride or groom!!!). Taking a gift to the destination would just cause too much luggage all around!!

Albee
04-29-2010, 08:56 PM
Ok, I will order something off the registry to be sent to their home BEFORE we go to the Caribbean. Then I will look through all my pictures that I will take on the island leading up to and during the ceremony etc.. Then will make a little photo album or digital photo album to bring to the reception. As well I will pay the money to go to the island. I'm happy to do all of this, and to be clear I am not bitching - BUT now that I written this out it does seem a bit excessive. However - I did say yes and I could have said no. Boy am I still glad I only ever asked for a toaster lol. I don't think I could have asked this of anyone….

danceronice
04-29-2010, 09:10 PM
See, that's when it's getting absurd. I think a shower a few WEEKS in advance, and a wedding gift is plenty. Not ten different parties and you're expected to bring a gift to all of them. And what would be wrong with the couple having a joint shower? Or the BRIDE asking for the pruning shears? (And I cannot be the only one who thinks asking for stuff like riding lawn mowers and big-screen LCD TVs is just OTT. I can see maybe putting ONE big-ticket item on a registry, in case you had a rich uncle who wants to go nuts or a bunch of friends who want to pool on one big gift, but asking for tons of expensive electronics and stuff seems horribly greedy to me.)

I think it would be nice (not to mention modern) to be able to put a wedding website address on the bottom of the invitation (really, we're reaching a point where I don't think there are THAT many people who cannot figure out what a website is.) Then not only could you have registry information, you could have maps and hotel information and things to do links for out of town guests.

Were I to get married, if someone came and didn't bring a gift, assuming I noticed, that's one fewer thank-you note I have to write. While it seems a little much not to even bother with a card, I wouldn't want to presume anything about someone who didn't buy a present. I don't know what they spent to get there or what their finances are like.

Bev Johnston
04-29-2010, 09:19 PM
I have a wedding etiquette question as well.... .

Your post is making me break out in hives because it reminds me of my SIL's wedding "affair". I say affair because her in-laws made such a big to-do of the whole thing with multiple parties and showers. I'm glad they'd never heard of the honey-do shower because they would've had that, too I'm certain.

Anyway, I think it's fine for you and your bf to give one gift if that's what you can afford. But then, I'm a wedding grouch and this kind of stuff makes me especially cranky, so I could be wrong. Generally, if I am invited to a shower and a wedding, I give a small gift for the shower, and something a little more expensive for the wedding.

I also appreciate the registry info. Sometimes I'm invited to weddings where I won't see anyone related to the bride/groom before the wedding. When I got married, we didn't register and got about 20 bottles of wine and wine glasses to go with. I'm not complaining about the wine - it was surely enjoyed much more than another dish towel, but I stored most of the glasses and brought them out to replace those that we broke over the years.

Finally, I was glad that my friends came to my reception and their presence was enough for me. I didn't care about gifts!

genevieve
04-29-2010, 09:22 PM
Ok, I will order something off the registry to be sent to their home BEFORE we go to the Caribbean. Then I will look through all my pictures that I will take on the island leading up to and during the ceremony etc.. Then will make a little photo album or digital photo album to bring to the reception.
I think that's a great solution! I bet the photo album will be greatly appreciated :)

I've never heard of a "honey-do"* party. :rolleyes: The only reason for having a separate groom party (whether it's a bachelor party or a male version of a bridal shower, where house gifts are expected) is if both parties are gender-segregated.

* I should say that I really hate the whole "honey-do" phenomenon, period. I don't care that spouses have different household tasks they're responsible for, but calling it a "honey-do" list perpetuates the culture of nagging women forcing their poor, whipped husbands into doing unpleasant tasks.

El Rey
04-29-2010, 09:24 PM
That's too many parties!!!!

I'm sorry. I don't think I would ever be that happy about anyone's engagement to attend that many parties, much less buy that many gifts. And I love to party!